Reply to "Walkaway Wife"

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Reply to ""Walkaway Wife""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just discovered this term and found this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/200803/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome#:~:text=During%20the%20early%20years%20of,is%20right%20in%20the%20world. and I was shocked at the accuracy. I've been spending years in my marriage asking my spouse for more help, more time together, more engagement in the family as a unit, and asked to go to therapy multiple times over the years. Things finally came to a head right before covid when I basically pleaded with him for more support and he said he is "too ambitious" and could never give me the additional support I need. I felt the marriage was over, completely disconnected from him outside of simple logistical matters, and grieved the end of my marriage and wondered what I would do.

Well surprise, he (finally) noticed, wanted to work it out, (finally) agreed we should go to therapy. [b]He had hit a professional rock bottom and turned to meditation and read multiple books and realized a lot of his previous mindset was his own ego.[/b] My heart was so closed and my feelings toward him had changed so significantly but I knew trying therapy was important, if nothing else as a last resort to ensure we had tried everything. We have been in couples for 9 months and we have made incredible progress in terms of open communication, sharing feelings, being intentional toward one another.

But I still just...don't love him romantically. I recognize and truly appreciate the work he has done. I feel a fondness for him and our history (almost 20 years). But I sometimes feel uncomfortable when we kiss, have sex (I have shared all this with him and he is understanding).

I'm/We're struggling with what to do next. Recently I reiterated that for the last few months of otherwise good progress my feelings toward him haven't changed. I think he found that really disheartening and I completely, completely understand why. But I also can't just pretend. It's been such a painful process to see the work we've put in and really try to be invested but not have it materialize. We're in a good position in all other aspects -- we've talked in detail about our plan if we were to divorce, we're as comfortable as can be with how it might "look" from a custody and financial perspective.

I've been doing my own work on the side, individual therapy for this whole time, reading, also trying to be intentional and affectionate when I do feel positively toward him and talking about it with him when I don't. My individual therapist suggested I need to try to figure out whether my pain and hurt is from past injuries that are still unresolved or whether my intuition is telling me what I want and I am ignoring it/forcing something that isn't there.

I guess I don't have a question just needed to put it out there. Anyone been in this situation and what happened?[/quote]

He only changed because his career ambitions petered out. Next upswing or chance to go gung ho, he will be up to old habits.  But he was never truly invested in you, he is just using you and the family to stoke his ego since he can’t be a career man he’ll be a family man. [/quote]

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