Reply to Aspergers, fighting and contemplating divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really think you need to put the "Aspie" thing aside. You're making a *lot* of excuses for your husband. He doesn't like therapy, he can't keep up with daily tasks of life, etc. etc. etc....excuse me, what? This is an adult, correct?

Obviously the man can control himself--he does it at work and among friends, where this is required. But at home, it sounds like there's no consequences if he insults you or other members of the immediate family. It also sounds to me like there is zero intimacy and built up resentment. All of these are *common* marriage issues that have zero to do with any diagnosis.

The only person you can absolutely change is yourself and your own behavior. I have a feeling you are letting him get away with a lot and failing to stand up for yourself and then feeling resentful and dealing with it in a passive aggressive way. You say you "deal with" verbal abuse--you mean you stand for it? I feel like you need to work by yourself with a therapist who can figure out how to set boundaries.

I mean, is he OK with a sexless marriage? If not, maybe that is something of actual interest to him that could motivate him to do better. From experience I can say this is what motivated my spouse to start trying to make some changes but I had to make a whole ton of changes too because we had a bad dynamic and that involves two people. On the PLUS side, because you have this dynamic, you alone can change it by changing yourself and refusing to participate anymore....[/quote]

Sorry. It you do not understand high functioning autism.  I thing you wrote he cares about, zero emotion, zero ability to reason, zero ability to see needs or understand another point of view (outside academic super interests). You can’t set boundaries with an ASD’er spouse - they don’t care! They won’t move out, they don’t think anything is bad for the kids, they are practically asexual, they bottle up everything and explode, they don’t share feelings or vent to anybody- not a friend, sib or parent. 
They do not think and certainly do not think like you. [/quote]

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