Reply to Affair discovery anniversary is wedding anniversary

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot for the life of me imagine trying to stay with a spouse who was unfaithful, and I used to think it was a bad choice, but then I randomly heard more stories about spouses who stayed and worked through it. Not because the spouses were financially insecure or staying for the sake of the kids but because the emotional benefits of trying to make it work outweighed the emotional benefits of leaving.

After hearing those stories I recognize that no two situation is the same and the fact that the one who was cheated on gives their spouse a second chance doesn’t mean they are a doormat. It might mean they are really strong. [/quote]

You're always going to look at the financial consequences because no matter what walk of life it's still divided by 2 which is a big hit to ANYONE. Let's not minimize that. Whether your kids are grown or not, it changes the family dynamics FOREVER. The kids don't want steps, nor to go to different homes. With jobs and time limited it makes life that much harder. Then if you're 40 or up everyone else has kids which means you're going to be stuck with your new partners kids as well. Maybe your kids won't like their kids etc. There's a reason most second marriages don't work. The other percentage has a high dissatisfaction rate. Many women are realistic and know the odds of finding Prince Charming are against them, so often they choose to stay with a bad partner that cheated. I don't think OP can ever forget. The fact she can't celebrate her wedding anniversary is going to be a big stain no matter what. OP I would probably treat it like any other day, and not celebrate it period. This is part of what he chose to do. He can't take it back. [/quote]

PP here and I totally agree with everything you said. Especially the part about not celebrating the anniversary. I am also a child of divorced parents so I definitely have an idea of how hard divorce is and why somebody might not want to divorce even if it means hurting your psyche by staying with a cheater. I was just surprised to learn that in some cases reconciliation (not forgetting or sweeping it under the rug) really could be best. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I truly thought that nobody should stay with a cheating spouse.

I wouldn’t though. I have seen the difficulties of divorce many times over and I’m not afraid of it. [/quote]

My mom would have stayed with my dad, but he wanted to get divorced. Fast forward many years, she died and all the family assets went to the second wife. There is a lot that people don't foresee when families break up. Not saying everyone should stay married because divorce is sometimes a better choice. I've seen women better off after divorce, and many that didn't do well. [/quote]

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