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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are roughly in the same situation.  Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday.  There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it.  Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc.  Every day is the same as any other.[/quote]

If you don’t care about birthdays I’m assuming living with it isn’t hard at all, right? So why do you say you “sort of” live with it? [/quote]

I didn't say I sort of "live" with it.  I said I sort of "get" it.  Meaning I don't really "get" why people get so into birthdays and anniversaries in the first place.

I "totally" live with the situation regardless because I'm the one to blame.  [/quote]

it’s not that your spouse feels so strongly about his birthday, it’s that the day your spouse found out you were a cheater and didn’t value them or the marriage is a milestone day that occurs every year.  It would be the same if it happened on Xmas or July 4th - spouse wouldn’t want to spend those with you either.

I found out my now ex DH was cheating on me again just before Thanksgiving when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant. DH was out of town overseas on work travel and missed the Thanksgiving holiday, while I spent the holiday researching late term abortion clinics and costs and deciding whether I wanted to keep the baby.   Every Thanksgiving I think about all those scenarios I ran through in my head all over again.

Interestingly, I also remember the exact moment I realized he was cheating on me the first time - I can remember exactly where I was standing in the house when I found out, what I found, how my hand shook and my heart and mind raced.  But I hardly ever think about that moment because it is not linked to a specific day or trigger.

Your spouse relieves a traumatic life experience every birthday. That’s why spouse doesn’t want to spend birthday with you. [/quote]

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