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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt?  Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

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OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

[b]My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. [/b]We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me. [/quote]

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed.  She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her![/quote]

OP here. She was well aware of my timeline. I brought up moving in and getting engaged in March at the 1 year mark. She said her parents, family, and friends all said it’s important to live with someone before getting engaged or married. You don’t want to make a commitment and then realize you’re not compatible once you start living together. We agreed we would give it more time since her lease will be up this summer. I brought it back up a couple of weeks ago and she said she was ready to move in next month. We talked about me looking at rings and my plan to propose after we lived together for a couple of months. She seemed excited. Then she takes this job and tells me that she is taking it. No discussion. I don’t know any couples who are this serious who don’t discuss big changes like this with their partner first. That’s the most upsetting part for me. Clearly I’m not that important to her. [/quote]

Clearly not.[/quote]

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