Reply to Aspergers, fighting and contemplating divorce

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not in the DC area, but stumbled upon this discussion.  I'm currently divorcing my undiagnosed husband.  Same as others have described, heavy masking to the outside world, just comes across as a nice albeit awkward guy.  At home he mostly ignores us, but will lecture and rage if anyone gets in his way.  There were some safety issues which ultimately led me to file for divorce.  Filing initially prompted him to love bomb me, but I refuse to continue this abuse cycle.  Now that he has realized this is actually happening it has turned extremely ugly as he wants everything including 50/50 custody.  He is now trying to rewrite history with the lawyers, GAL and custody evaluator involved.  Definitely love bombing the kids and no longer rages or yells.  He told them he's no longer the yelling dad and is now the fun dad.  It's truly a nightmare, since I have to live in the house during the custody battle.  I frame it in my head as condensing all the misery into a year or 2 instead of stretching it out over a lifetime.

I really appreciate whoever wrote the following:
  
[i]please realize you are not protecting your children by staying. Instead, you are giving them a higher exposure than if you left and gave them 50% of their time in a emotionally healthy household. By spending 24/7 in the disordered relationship, you are teaching your kids that that behavior is normal and to be accepted. They will replicate the dynamic in intimate relationships for the rest of their lives. they will not develop healthy rmotional and communication skills because they never see any. What you model for them is distorted by the disordered relationship.[/i][i]

I copied it and will remind myself of that often, because there is a huge amount of guilt about leaving my kids in his care knowing he's not capable.  Up until now I've been able to remove or at least buffer them from his behavior.  [/quote]

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