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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The eye rolls and huffs are communicating something. If you use empathy to lean into what he’s feeling and out words to it, he will learn to communicate. How much do you model using “I feel” statements in your communication?[/quote]

I feel irritated that making basic good behavior subject to negotiation from a young age inevitably results in adults who think that eye-rolling in front of the boss is an acceptable form dissent at work on this forum. 
I feel sad when adults with a similar world view on the acceptability of eyerolling at work suggest that a supervisor who does not tolerate over-indulgent behavior deserves to be sabotaged. 
I feel frustrated that their parents probably caved into manipulative behaviors, and feel regretful that they now have trouble coping with anything disagreeable to them. 
I feel annoyed that when the role between parent and friend is blurred growing up, a similar misunderstanding happens at work.

Empathy and communication are important, but so are clear expectations, consequences, and teaching kids how to manage disappointment and frustration so they don't become insufferable adults. 
[/quote]

I hear that it’s really frustrating to you when you meet with people at work who don’t treat others with respect. That’s very annoying. I hear that you’re worried about raising a child like this, and you really want your child to understand that respect to authorities is not negotiable. You want them to know that regardless of how they feel, they need to show respect. And more than that, you want to live in a world where people raise their children to understand that.

I worry that you might be projecting some categories and concepts about authority, hierarchy, and respect in the adult world which are actually quite complex and subtle onto a very young child whose life experience is quite different. I feel curious why you don’t think empathy and communication can be building blocks for better teaching about consequences. From my perspective, the impersonal world of work and the realm of family relationships are distinct. It’s good for children to learn how to operate in settings outside the family and we don’t begin to expect that they can do that independently and responsibly until they are slightly older. When you respond to a question about how to teach a 4 year old by describing how you feel about the work world, I worry that we are talking past each other. We might even agree on the goals and have different perspectives on how to get there. I’m open to learning about how you do that, and I would like it if you were open to different perspectives as well. My personal view is that empathy and communication help pave the way for the child to really accept and understand the consequences of their behavior on others and begin to build self-discipline and genuine character, which is the heart of discipline in general.[/quote]

I hear that it's really frustrating for you when parents come to a different conclusion on approaches like whole-brain child. It's very annoying when people don't enthusiastically agree with your philosophy. I worry that because you are so heavily invested in whole-brain, that you are projecting that I must be a cold and petty tyrant because I don't tolerate eyerolling or excessive whining in toddlers. I am curious why you read right past the part where I said that empathy and communication are important.

Like the OP, if my toddler experiments with rolling her eyes and walking away when I ask her to do something more than twice, she gets scooped up and we have a conversation in a different location. She can briefly plead her case, but is nicely but firmly told that this behavior is not OK and what my expectations are for what she will do next. I understand that you may do a deeper dive on feelings. I have observed this approach in others and have not been impressed with the results, so I am making a different choice.

Separately, as a manager, when I read comments on this thread from posters who think that eyerolling is fine at work, it speaks to my personal observation that there seem to be more and more temper tantrums at work when someone is told no. I frequently wonder if there is a connection between these adult tantrums and a philosophy of everything being negotiable from a young age. My personal view is that some parents who themselves had very strict parents may have over-corrected. [/quote]

Hmm, no one said you were cold and petty, just that other methods might have better long term results based on how children’s brains work. It sounds as if you have such big feelings about this that it’s hard to even consider that idea and whether you have things to learn as a parent. We all can learn more, that doesn’t make us bad parents.[/quote]

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