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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]With the clothing example, letting a four year old pick out their clothes can be too much choice for some kids.  So either let them choose the night before from two options, or you pick the clothes out.  Prepare to eliminate power struggles when time matters.

I think consequences are largely useless and set a negative tone.  Focus on rewarding positive behavior, with a reward being a smile or a "good job," not stickers or toys or what have you.  Whole Brain Child is great generally, but especially as kids get older.  You want kids to learn these skills for themselves, and as a parent, you need to know they're developmental.  Of course you have different approaches and standards for children vs. adults; they're *children*, FFS.

[b]Finally, every parent I know who is "strict" and has compliant kids really just has easy-going kids, and so it matters less what the parents do (i.e., they give themselves too much credit).  For kids who are more challenging, coming down hard on them only escalates.  I'm not saying your four year old has a challenging temperament, but if he does, a softer approach is better.[/quote][/b]

+100 They think it's their parenting but so much is the specific kids. I have one easy-going, one not.  DH tried for way too long to be the strict parent he thought was the one right way to parent. It worked fine with our easy-going one but was on the way to destroying his relationship with the not-easy-going one before he was willing to find other ways.[/quote]

I'd agree. I think there are ways to be a super terrible parents but outside of that there is no one formula. What you describe was the situation in my DH's own family, except his dad (especially) never was willing to find other ways. So there was a perfectly behaved girl and a very, very rebellious boy who had a hard time in his own life once the ongoing battle with his dad was no longer the prevailing theme of his life.

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