Reply to Aspergers, fighting and contemplating divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Yes. But for me the point is moot - I cannot divorce now. Also, since my husband and son are always at loggerheads, I prefer to protect my children by being always there, instead of having shared custody (which my husband would want and get).[/quote]

OP, please realize you are not protecting your children by staying. Instead, you are giving them a higher exposure than if you left and gave them 50% of their time in a emotionally healthy household.  By spending 24/7 in the disordered relationship, you are teaching your kids that that behavior is normal and to be accepted.  They will replicate the dynamic in intimate relationships for the rest of their lives.  they will not develop healthy rmotional and communication skills because they never see any. What you model for them is distorted by the disordered relationship. [/quote]

As a child of parents who should have divorced, I wholeheartedly concur. I had friends of divorced parents in my youth and didn’t think it was such a horrible thing. The trade off in material well being seems worth it to me if it means having at least half of one’s time in a household that is peaceful. My mother asked me in my early teens how I would feel about my parents divorcing and I told her it was totally ok with me. For a short time I was really excited and happy that we might not live with my father anymore - but ultimately my mother the coward stayed put despite the abuse she and her kids were regularly subject to, and yes, I resent the hell out of her for not protecting us. It affected all my adult relationships, I was essentially afraid to trust men and marriage and my brother became abusive to his wives and kids the same as our father had been. What other role model of marriage and fatherhood did he have, after all?

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