Reply to Electing not to breastfeed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.[/quote]

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do.  And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP.  You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore.  Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

[/quote]

Many parts of parenting are extremely time consuming, this is true. Personally I like to maximize saving time where I can so I can more fully embrace the things you really can’t shortchange.

Also, because parenting is so all consuming it’s important to be conscious that you are not losing yourself in it entirely, for your own mental health. And I don’t mean that to be selfish. I mean that a healthy happy mom is a good mom, and an overstressed depressed mom is usually not as good a mom. Of course there are extremes where women over prioritize their happiness at the expense of their kids but in an ideal world there is balance.

Breastfeeding is extremely time consuming and specifically it takes a lot of moms time, establishing a norm of an extremely disparate scope of work for mom and dad from day 1. Being aware of that time and trying to ensure mom has some time to herself and dad is pulling his weight is really important and I feel like your post contributes to the mommy martyr syndrome that leads to depression.[/quote]

NP. I supple resented with formula and was grateful for it when I went back to work. But as both an experienced breastfeed we abd bottle feeder, ***my experience*** is that breastfeeding was, by far, the easiest way for me to feed my baby. DH helped plenty by giving bottles of pumped milk or formula, cleaning bottles, and even preparing the bottles of pumped milk or formula for daycare. In the middle of the nightm he changed the baby while I went to the bathroom and then settled in the rocker to feed, if I wanted. So I wasn't doing nights alone.

BF/FF combo was right for us. It was a good division of labor, for us. Your mileage may very. But there was nothing easier, for me, than picking up my daughters, sitting down with them, and having them latch on for a feed. No bottles, no mixing, no warming, no clean-up. Do not dismiss the experience of others because it differs from yours. [/quote]

I don't really know what to say to this. I actually feel like you were the one who was dismissing the experience of others. You didn't talk at all in your post about how BF was the easy choice. Your point appeared to be that every part of being a parent takes time and she should suck it up and do what is best for her baby. And I believe that sentiment is damaging to the mental health of new moms. I believe that people who say it are more interested in feeling good about themselves than in helping the person they are responding to.

I have no problems with breastfeeding and think it should be 100% normalized and supported, but I don't believe in forcing a new mom to do or even to try anything she doesn't want to that isn't essential to the health and safety of her child.

For me, formula feeding was incredibly simple. I had a baby brezza and it was as simple as pushing a button and I put all the bottles into the dishwasher at night. I didn't individually scrub every piece, I didn't struggle with warming, I didn't get sticky formula on my hands in the middle of the night. And I didn't have to use my body in a way I didn't want to. And again, that is just me, I know many women get great joy and fulfillment from breastfeeding and just because I did not doesn't mean I think negatively about them in any way shape or form.

I do believe that breastfeeding creates a natural divergence in labor between mom and dad that should be actively addressed and combatted by the couple to avoid the lifelong disparity in workload that tends to emerge from the first year of a baby's life. That doesn't mean that a woman cannot breastfeed and have a supportive partner, I think we just need to be open in talking about it because when you talk about it you can ensure you're compensating in other areas ie dad is doing laundry or handling the pediatrician or whatever, another set of equal tasks.

But again, only one of us is dismissing the experiences of others, and that is you.[/quote]

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