Anonymous wrote:I tried to breastfeed my two daughters but was unable to. Both breastfeeding and formula feeding is difficult. I feel that a newborn, once breastfeeding is established it is actually easier because you don’t have to prep formula in the middle of the night. Also you don’t have to worry about the formula being the right temperature. Also washing bottles is super-annoying. But establishing breastfeeding is difficult for some women (it ended up being impossible for me!). Once a baby is sleeping through the night(maybe 6 months) formula can give you more freedom. There is also pumping which is easy for some women but difficult for others. Exclusively pumping seems to be the most difficult of all.

I would keep an open mind and see how it goes! I was one of those ppl who adamant about breastfeeding. I didn’t even consider not doing it and felt like a failure when I couldn’t. Even the lactation consultants where telling me that i should just switch to formula. I eventually did and learned that not everything goes according to plan. A friend of mine was anti-breastfeeding but ended up loving it and breastfed all three of her kids until each was around 12 months. I’ve had friends who combination feed and friends who exclusively breastfeed but then switch to formula at 6 months or when they go to work. Keep an open mind and see what happens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do. And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP. You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore. Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

Many parts of parenting are extremely time consuming, this is true. Personally I like to maximize saving time where I can so I can more fully embrace the things you really can’t shortchange.

Also, because parenting is so all consuming it’s important to be conscious that you are not losing yourself in it entirely, for your own mental health. And I don’t mean that to be selfish. I mean that a healthy happy mom is a good mom, and an overstressed depressed mom is usually not as good a mom. Of course there are extremes where women over prioritize their happiness at the expense of their kids but in an ideal world there is balance.

Breastfeeding is extremely time consuming and specifically it takes a lot of moms time, establishing a norm of an extremely disparate scope of work for mom and dad from day 1. Being aware of that time and trying to ensure mom has some time to herself and dad is pulling his weight is really important and I feel like your post contributes to the mommy martyr syndrome that leads to depression.

NP. I supple resented with formula and was grateful for it when I went back to work. But as both an experienced breastfeed we abd bottle feeder, ***my experience*** is that breastfeeding was, by far, the easiest way for me to feed my baby. DH helped plenty by giving bottles of pumped milk or formula, cleaning bottles, and even preparing the bottles of pumped milk or formula for daycare. In the middle of the nightm he changed the baby while I went to the bathroom and then settled in the rocker to feed, if I wanted. So I wasn't doing nights alone.

BF/FF combo was right for us. It was a good division of labor, for us. Your mileage may very. But there was nothing easier, for me, than picking up my daughters, sitting down with them, and having them latch on for a feed. No bottles, no mixing, no warming, no clean-up. Do not dismiss the experience of others because it differs from yours.

I don't really know what to say to this. I actually feel like you were the one who was dismissing the experience of others. You didn't talk at all in your post about how BF was the easy choice. Your point appeared to be that every part of being a parent takes time and she should suck it up and do what is best for her baby. And I believe that sentiment is damaging to the mental health of new moms. I believe that people who say it are more interested in feeling good about themselves than in helping the person they are responding to.

I have no problems with breastfeeding and think it should be 100% normalized and supported, but I don't believe in forcing a new mom to do or even to try anything she doesn't want to that isn't essential to the health and safety of her child.

For me, formula feeding was incredibly simple. I had a baby brezza and it was as simple as pushing a button and I put all the bottles into the dishwasher at night. I didn't individually scrub every piece, I didn't struggle with warming, I didn't get sticky formula on my hands in the middle of the night. And I didn't have to use my body in a way I didn't want to. And again, that is just me, I know many women get great joy and fulfillment from breastfeeding and just because I did not doesn't mean I think negatively about them in any way shape or form.

I do believe that breastfeeding creates a natural divergence in labor between mom and dad that should be actively addressed and combatted by the couple to avoid the lifelong disparity in workload that tends to emerge from the first year of a baby's life. That doesn't mean that a woman cannot breastfeed and have a supportive partner, I think we just need to be open in talking about it because when you talk about it you can ensure you're compensating in other areas ie dad is doing laundry or handling the pediatrician or whatever, another set of equal tasks.

But again, only one of us is dismissing the experiences of others, and that is you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

I don't expect my newborn to be slotted into my existing life. I just don't want my relationship with my baby to be sullied by stress or resentment for breastfeeding/pumping when there are alternatives. I do have a lot of family around, and my husband works unusual hours in medicine. I will absolutely be taking advantage of an odd hour to run an errand by myself. No one would beseech my husband that simple freedom, so I don't know why it's even a conversation. I know myself, and I need that.

If breastfeeding is easy and natural for us, I will do it until a reasonable transition period before I return to work. If it isn't, I am going to let it go. I am not going to fight through multiple mastitis hospitalizations, tongue ties, etc. and make us all miserable in a quest to breastfeed.

I read what you're saying in one paragraph and then see you talking about crying in the pumping room in the next. I just can't see pushing through that. I'm glad that it worked for your family, but I'm afraid of the psychological impact and on my ability to mother in that state. I'm sorry you went through that.

OP I don’t think you’re really understanding what’s coming. You cannot strategize yourself out of the difficulties of parenthood. Choosing formula doesn’t guarantee you freedom from guilt or sadness when you return to work. The freedom of a Target run isn’t an antidote
For the challenges ahead. Formula won’t inoculate you from strong emotions, like if your baby refuses the formula, or won’t take it, or will only take it from a certain person, or — like my first —‘spit it out every darn time I tried to give it her. Fighting through a tongue tie and getting it revised, or mastitis, or missing baby while I pumped are all just part of parenting. It’s full of tough and emotional moments. The responsibility can feel overwhelming but so does the love. Your baby is going to bring up all sorts of feelings and they will be an individual with their own thoughts and preferences for how they are fed. Breastfeed or don’t - it’s your choice - but I think it’s silly to make up your mind ahead of time instead of being open to what feels right and works for you. Stop painting formula and nursing as binary choices where one is easy and the other is hard because it’s just not accurate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

I don't expect my newborn to be slotted into my existing life. I just don't want my relationship with my baby to be sullied by stress or resentment for breastfeeding/pumping when there are alternatives. I do have a lot of family around, and my husband works unusual hours in medicine. I will absolutely be taking advantage of an odd hour to run an errand by myself. No one would beseech my husband that simple freedom, so I don't know why it's even a conversation. I know myself, and I need that.

If breastfeeding is easy and natural for us, I will do it until a reasonable transition period before I return to work. If it isn't, I am going to let it go. I am not going to fight through multiple mastitis hospitalizations, tongue ties, etc. and make us all miserable in a quest to breastfeed.

I read what you're saying in one paragraph and then see you talking about crying in the pumping room in the next. I just can't see pushing through that. I'm glad that it worked for your family, but I'm afraid of the psychological impact and on my ability to mother in that state. I'm sorry you went through that.

Anonymous wrote:Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.

Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts.

I've got news for you PP. Every single aspect of parenting can seem "incredibly time consuming." Yes, it is absolutely a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night but guess what - that's what parents do. And it's nice that you are rationalizing that your baby will be "absolutely fine," even though you claim to understand the health benefits of providing him with something better.

You have a lot to learn, OP. You're going to be a mother. It's not about you anymore. Embrace it - the next 18 years will go by very quickly.

Congratulations!

Many parts of parenting are extremely time consuming, this is true. Personally I like to maximize saving time where I can so I can more fully embrace the things you really can’t shortchange.

Also, because parenting is so all consuming it’s important to be conscious that you are not losing yourself in it entirely, for your own mental health. And I don’t mean that to be selfish. I mean that a healthy happy mom is a good mom, and an overstressed depressed mom is usually not as good a mom. Of course there are extremes where women over prioritize their happiness at the expense of their kids but in an ideal world there is balance.

Breastfeeding is extremely time consuming and specifically it takes a lot of moms time, establishing a norm of an extremely disparate scope of work for mom and dad from day 1. Being aware of that time and trying to ensure mom has some time to herself and dad is pulling his weight is really important and I feel like your post contributes to the mommy martyr syndrome that leads to depression.

NP. I supple resented with formula and was grateful for it when I went back to work. But as both an experienced breastfeed we abd bottle feeder, ***my experience*** is that breastfeeding was, by far, the easiest way for me to feed my baby. DH helped plenty by giving bottles of pumped milk or formula, cleaning bottles, and even preparing the bottles of pumped milk or formula for daycare. In the middle of the nightm he changed the baby while I went to the bathroom and then settled in the rocker to feed, if I wanted. So I wasn't doing nights alone.

BF/FF combo was right for us. It was a good division of labor, for us. Your mileage may very. But there was nothing easier, for me, than picking up my daughters, sitting down with them, and having them latch on for a feed. No bottles, no mixing, no warming, no clean-up. Do not dismiss the experience of others because it differs from yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Agree. Never ask on DCUM about breastfeeding as 99% of women on here are breastfeeding zealouts and love to shame those who choose not to BF. A happy mother is best. you should do what you think is best for you.