Reply to Feeling sad that daughter seems to be gay

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, please ignore all of these posters who accuse you of being homophobic or a bad mom because you feel disappointed. I recently found out my son is gay. I came here and got the same response. It made me feel terrible. Then I found other resources, like pflag, and learned that it is completely normal to go through this grieving process. I also talked to a friend who has a gay son and is the most supportive person you can imagine. Most days, she is a walking pride flag. She adores her son and his partner. She confessed to me that it was a very long road to get to that point and that she also went through these feelings of sadness and loss.

I thought my son was a straight, white, male. I never thought he was part of an oppressed or marginalized group. To suddenly realize that he will face discrimination and marginalization was upsetting and scary. Why wouldn’t it be? He will face a lifetime of struggles that I did not see coming. People on here who are saying that being gay is a non-issue because this is 2021 are simply not paying attention. Since learning my son is gay, every little gay joke or comment is magnified x100. Often, these “harmless” little puns come from people I wouldn’t have expected. It happens all the time, and I always worry about how it makes him feel. He hasn’t come out yet, so any hurt this causes is kept inside. I realized that he os paying very close attention to certain political events because he knows his freedom is at stake. I never had to worry that my kids would lose their freedom, but he very well could. As a parent, it is just more complicated than not being homophobic. You are being honest with yourself, OP, and this will help you process this so much faster. [/quote]

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