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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I had to reread your post a couple times to make sure it wasn't me who wrote it a while back.  We have almost identical husbands.  Except I've been with mine for almost 20 years and we now have children.

Every basic adult normal thing that most people take for granted, I have had to fight for.  It was exhausting.  Luckily he is a caring and committed parent.  We disagree on many parenting decisions, but he has generally taken my lead in that regard, more than in other realms of our lives.  That doesn't mean we haven't had epic fights having to do with parenting.

A lot of our fights have to do with the fact that I pretty much take care of 90% of the household, social, or financial management responsibilities, because he does not think they are important or necessary and will argue to the death about it.  It's infuriating when he not only refuses to value or participate in all the basic responsible things I do for our family, he also criticizes and denigrates them and tries to make me feel like I am the unenlightened one who has gotten sucked into thinking these things are important. I have gone back and forth as to the why of why he's like this.  Is he just a complete selfish a-hole who only cares about himself?  Is he handicapped or have some kind of mental disability?

Like your husband, mine is exceptional at his job - that is his realm of competency.  He is very black and white in terms of prioritization - his work is a priority, spending time with the children is important, everything else - unimportant.  And like your husband, mine has also become very good at reading people, blending in with various social circles - but here's the caveat - he has a major deficit he is working with when it comes to people, and with exceptional intelligence, he has figured out patterns of behaviors - he is good at catching patterns.  But he severely lacks the general ability to see things through other people's eyes, and he still misses a lot of cues that a person like me takes for granted.  And all this effort takes a lot out of him.

TBH the majority of guys, whether it's nurture or nature, place little value on household responsibilities.  The difference is most recognize it's important to their wives and can see how it's beneficial and they make it work.

My husband is physically incapable of "imagining" how others feel if it is different than how he feels and he is deeply inflexible.  I have made many compromises and eventually I have made it work, but it took so many years, and it took him seeing me have a near mental and emotional breakdown.  It took a huge toll on me, and he finally saw what he was doing to me.  He made, what for him was a gargantuan effort to change.  I could almost visualize how hard this was for him - the strain of going against his every instinct.  [/quote]

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