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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I met my slightly eccentric husband, I found him charming. He is somewhat contrarian and very confident. He grooms himself well, he is not on the autism spectrum, so his eccentricity was not initially off putting. But now that we have been married for 6 years, his contempt for a typical family lifestyle of living is starting to really grate on me.

If he had his way, he would live like a graduate student for the rest of his life. Most adult responsibilities around caring for a home and family are superfluous in his view. A nursery for a baby with curtains? Shelves in the office? Completely unnecessary. Spending 2 hours helping me hang curtains is a HUGE sacrifice he can barely bring himself to do. Doing dishes and other routine chores is fine though (thank god for that).

In his mind I am having a blast wasting our money buying paper towels, coffee, toiletries, etc. on amazon instead of fulfilling a necessary responsibility. His preference would be to go to the grocery store and buy individual roles of paper towels as needed as he is picking up his nightly dinner sandwich. Stocking a kitchen pantry with food and home supplies? Making dinner nightly to be healthy and save money? This is apparently a complete waste of energy and not only do I get no appreciation for handling it, I actually deal wit his resentment about it.

During our marriage he has acquiesced to what 99% of people would consider to be normal way of living, but he apparently feels deeply burdened by it. He despises planning ahead and any encumbrances at all. And I apparently need to learn to give up some of these things or else he is going to keep being resentful.

He is apparently so resentful, that he doesn't even want to have sex frequently despite my willingness. So that can't keep him happy.

I am at my wits end, and don't know what to do. I am not willing to be a working mother and live like a graduate student making every decision in the moment and living in a sparse home with no maintenance on anything required. I cannot believe I married someone who finds basic adult responsibilities a massive sacrifice that he can't stomach. 
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Oh my goodness! Are you married to my husband OP?

Here's my story:

I grew up in a nice home with parents who were both nesters and deeply enjoyed fine living. I grew up in beautiful homes with a lot of meticulous attention to details that made our home environment lovely. Due to a stay at home mother, nannies and housekeepers, I grew up very spoiled, intellectual and quite the opposite of my mom. When I met DH, he was similar to how you describe your DH. Intellectual, head in the clouds, brilliant, voracious reader and super charming. I noticed his apartment was a mess with books everywhere. I did not care. I too lived in a bare bones apartment with lots of books. It was instant chemistry, I fell head over heels in love. We married and moved in together and a few years later, I wanted to live more like how I knew was "adult life."

I wanted a dining table, carpets, art on walls, decorations. I wanted structure and a family financial plan. He pushed back at first saying those things are for "yuppies" and he is a "punk and a rebel" and an "bohemian artist" and I should have just married a lawyer. He would show disdain for the cookie-cutter family life. I stood my ground. I resented him for making us live like college students and he resented me for wanting him to spend on "material goods." Part of it was also that he did not grow up very rich along with being very spoiled so he never had to think logistics. His mom and dad did the life organizing and thinking for him.

And when I expected him to...he just combusted. He had a mental health breakdown and got fired from his job and developed a drinking and gambling problem and filed for divorce.

It was like being hit by a hurricane. He never did get a diagnosis but...normal people don't act that way.

[/quote]

My asd ex-spouse was the same: bad habits, slob/ filth, zero communicating, and only talked about himself if he happened to open his mouth (I need....).

He had a ton of lame excuses for why he forgot things, made a mess, left a mess, didn’t notice something big or small in need of attention, lost something, etc.
Thing is the lame excuses started repeating and repeating. He could not learn, he could not improve, he could not take care of things or people or children. 
[b]Then he’s explode at the person suffering from his mistake: how dare you B ask what happened, I’m busy.  
He could not anticipate danger. Kid gets backed up on, hangs kid from 10’ bar and he falls and breaks legs.
He’s blame others for his mistakes and shortcomings. This was particularly psycho and lame...
Then people close notices his father, mother and brother act the same.  Nothing is ever their responsibility! Or their fault! Their decisions and behaviors are always someone else’s fault!

It’s crazy making. Talking with them on any topic is like smashing ones head against the wall, and nothing gets resolved. They’d rather argue than solve a problem. 
[/b]
Good riddance.
[/quote]

PP here.

The exact same scenario with mine. He could NEVER accept responsibility and when he spent money from our savings to fund his party lifestyle and hookers, he BLAMED ME. He so hated that I dared expect him to like...get a coffee table or that we not eat on paper plates!
 :( [/quote]

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