Reply to My kid told me I’m a “sh***y mom”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 6DD developmentally is closer to 4/5  due to being in the hospital off and on from age 3 to almost 5. DS is also very immature due to his ADHD although he is very smart, virtual learning has been nightmare, he will rip up papers, throw pencils, and even harm himself or his siblings when frustrated. Their behaviors have completely drained me.

I realize that I see my 9DD has being much older than my younger two. I will admit that I am harder on her and do rely on her for more help. I don’t think my DD is wrong that I’m a shitty mom, but I do need her help, I cannot handle her having tantrums and screaming too over a simple chore.

I am sad this is what my life looks like and I’m also sad that I can’t give my oldest a more normal childhood, but I can’t change the circumstances and I’m at a loss. [/quote]

Why do you expect more help out of your nine-year-old daughter than you do out of your husband? He’s the shitty one in this situation[/quote]

You’ve apparently given up on your DH, and you are now forcing your daughter into the role of a second parent and she isn’t having it.

Do better. You can and should have her do chores, but not the way you are doing it now. You need to lean heavily on your DH.
[/quote]

This OP. You need to hire help if your dh is worthless, and not make your 9 year old jump when you say how high. It's not going to bode well later. It's not her fault you went on to have a third child who also has special needs. She probably feels like you are making this her problem instead of yours.

This happened in my dh's family and the oldest sister now hates all her siblings as an adult.

Please get yourself some counseling, and please hire help to clean the house and outsource everything you can. Have a list of doable chores for each child, like cleaning up their own room,taking care of any pets, maybe unloading or loading the dishwasher every night. But it needs to be consistent, fair, and not at a moments notice.[/quote]

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