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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 6DD developmentally is closer to 4/5  due to being in the hospital off and on from age 3 to almost 5. DS is also very immature due to his ADHD although he is very smart, virtual learning has been nightmare, he will rip up papers, throw pencils, and even harm himself or his siblings when frustrated. Their behaviors have completely drained me.

I realize that I see my 9DD has being much older than my younger two. I will admit that I am harder on her and do rely on her for more help. I don’t think my DD is wrong that I’m a shitty mom, but I do need her help, I cannot handle her having tantrums and screaming too over a simple chore.

I am sad this is what my life looks like and I’m also sad that I can’t give my oldest a more normal childhood, but I can’t change the circumstances and I’m at a loss. [/quote]

You can afford to set reasonable boundaries with your 9yo.  Set a schedule for when she does things.  Maybe that's emptying the dishwasher by 9 am.  Maybe that's responding immediately when you call her, and coming to empty it within 5 minutes (after wrapping up whatever she was doing, just like you'd expect from an adult).

You can also set boundaries with your DH.  Your 9yo is NOT a substitute.[/quote]

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