Reply to How much praise and affection did you receive as a child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not much.  My mom would say "I love you" but she wasn't big on affection.  She rarely told us she was proud of us or that we did a good job.  She had high expectations and was pretty critical.  Her parents were the same way.  I know she loved me and was proud of me, just not sure why she couldn't tell me.

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I’m sorry to all the posters on here that feel this way. I am sure it is upsetting to reflect on these issues.

Your answer to this question lies in your post. Have you heard of social learning theory? We create these schemes and paradigms by internalizing observed experiences and modeled behaviors. This is how people learn how to behave and function in scenarios, like parenting. Your mother’s parenting was greatly influenced by her own observations that began in childhood. The process of parenting is ongoing and is continually changing as we (the parents) continue to develop and have experiences that influence our parenting.

There is a lot of data that suggests that when a women becomes pregnant, they begin to shape their own understanding of parenting. They reflect on the women in their life that they are closest to. Your mom’s parenting technique was probably all that she knew. When we think about it, it’s hard not to feel empathetic when we realize our own mothers (and fathers) were once the same disappointed child that we were.

All we can do is reflect on our own experiences and consciously be aware of our parenting approach. It is critical that parent form healthy attachment with their children. Failure to develop adequate attachment can literally disrupt generations of future families. It can create a nasty cycle, similar to teenage pregnancy or alcoholism. This is why all parents or future parents would benefit from gaining a basic understanding of early childhood development and how to develop these bonds. Anyway, hope that helps. [/quote]

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