Reply to There really are women out there who go after other people's husbands

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
In my experience, affairs just happen when two people are attracted to each other. It's unfortunate (and terribly short-sighted) when people such as the woman you describe act on their impulses in their own social circle, but I don't think she nor anyone is purposefully targeting your husband just because he's married to YOU.
[/quote]

+1. While some women may get some thrill out of it, I don’t believe that to be the case for all. For the women who date married men, the fact that they are married just doesn’t matter. It’s a status between him and his wife. She’s not in that relationship and it has nothing to do with her.

A segment of women on this board get very worked up over cheating.  Sometimes marriages don’t work out.  People meet someone they decide they want more or could be happier with. They pursue that relationship and move on. It’s not personal- for the cheating husband or the other woman.

Men do leave their wives. Sometimes it’s for the other woman. That’s a scary fact for happily married people. It’s much more comforting to think it can’t happen to them and it doesn’t happen to others. My DH was married when we met, divorced his ex-wife, and we are now married. He hadn’t loved her for many years and was ready to leave.  And he didn’t affair down - I’m younger, make more money, and actually like sex. We are happy now. I didn’t target him because he was married. We met and he happened to be married. It wasn’t personal against his wife. We were just two people very attracted to each other that wanted to be with each other. [/quote]

+2 on a lot of what you said. I do believe there are always exceptions to the rule. In your example, I could understand meeting someone while separated, and moving from there. I have a harder time accepting the integrity of a relationship that builds from anyone being dishonest, ever. I think it sets a bad precedent for lying to each other, no matter how close you are. And the lack of patience in finalizing the legal separation/divorce before dating means that it will blend over into other areas. But yes, every situation is different. To that end, there is a woman in the long divorce thread who said her not-tooSTBXH hasn’t officially divorced because it’s convenient not to. They don’t love each other. So while it may not be something targeting a marriage, there are very risky implications for the new wife, just in what she has experienced since dating him. I know that isn’t your exact case, I was trying to be objective in hearing your point. I do agree that there are a lot of Hunger Game Tribute wives on here that would throw knives with a quickness at the possibility of a threat to their marriage. It’s amusing, and I imagine that is nerve wrecking, but I don’t take issue with it any more than I take issue with what you shared.  The conditions and specifics matter, especially with children. I pull out my knives to protect children. People that break up families from lust and steal a man away truly don’t have an appreciation for what a family is. It would be very hard to build one with them.  [/quote]

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