I guess I didn't emphasize that this person in my OP was "friends" with the wives of these men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the men in these situations are innocent victims? She probably “goes after them” because they are easy and willing.

Agree. Since they are in her social circle, so already knows them. Seems much easier than looking online or on bars for strangers. It is the more convenient option. Stupid IMO, but I can see how it happens this way.

Two things can be true at once. In my opinion, the men aren't innocent victims. However it is true that there are some women who intentionally target married men, of course, those men have to be receptive for it to work. It's a bit different than people who just randomly become attracted to each other and an affair happens. Or a lady who falls for a married man who presents himself as single.

The woman I knew who intentionally target married men had some mental health issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess the men in these situations are innocent victims? She probably “goes after them” because they are easy and willing.

Agree. Since they are in her social circle, so already knows them. Seems much easier than looking online or on bars for strangers. It is the more conveinient option. Stupid IMO, but I can see how it happens this way.

+1. Also malicious, because it is intentional deceit and manipulation of someone you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
In my experience, affairs just happen when two people are attracted to each other. It's unfortunate (and terribly short-sighted) when people such as the woman you describe act on their impulses in their own social circle, but I don't think she nor anyone is purposefully targeting your husband just because he's married to YOU.

+1. While some women may get some thrill out of it, I don’t believe that to be the case for all. For the women who date married men, the fact that they are married just doesn’t matter. It’s a status between him and his wife. She’s not in that relationship and it has nothing to do with her.

A segment of women on this board get very worked up over cheating. Sometimes marriages don’t work out. People meet someone they decide they want more or could be happier with. They pursue that relationship and move on. It’s not personal- for the cheating husband or the other woman.

Men do leave their wives. Sometimes it’s for the other woman. That’s a scary fact for happily married people. It’s much more comforting to think it can’t happen to them and it doesn’t happen to others. My DH was married when we met, divorced his ex-wife, and we are now married. He hadn’t loved her for many years and was ready to leave. And he didn’t affair down - I’m younger, make more money, and actually like sex. We are happy now. I didn’t target him because he was married. We met and he happened to be married. It wasn’t personal against his wife. We were just two people very attracted to each other that wanted to be with each other.

+2 on a lot of what you said. I do believe there are always exceptions to the rule. In your example, I could understand meeting someone while separated, and moving from there. I have a harder time accepting the integrity of a relationship that builds from anyone being dishonest, ever. I think it sets a bad precedent for lying to each other, no matter how close you are. And the lack of patience in finalizing the legal separation/divorce before dating means that it will blend over into other areas. But yes, every situation is different. To that end, there is a woman in the long divorce thread who said her not-tooSTBXH hasn’t officially divorced because it’s convenient not to. They don’t love each other. So while it may not be something targeting a marriage, there are very risky implications for the new wife, just in what she has experienced since dating him. I know that isn’t your exact case, I was trying to be objective in hearing your point. I do agree that there are a lot of Hunger Game Tribute wives on here that would throw knives with a quickness at the possibility of a threat to their marriage. It’s amusing, and I imagine that is nerve wrecking, but I don’t take issue with it any more than I take issue with what you shared. The conditions and specifics matter, especially with children. I pull out my knives to protect children. People that break up families from lust and steal a man away truly don’t have an appreciation for what a family is. It would be very hard to build one with them.

Anonymous wrote:I guess the men in these situations are innocent victims? She probably “goes after them” because they are easy and willing.

Agree. Since they are in her social circle, so already knows them. Seems much easier than looking online or on bars for strangers. It is the more conveinient option. Stupid IMO, but I can see how it happens this way.

Anonymous wrote:I don't want a husband. I definitely don't want your short, balding, ugly, stupid husband.

You can keep him!

My ex was not a good looking guy. OW still was over the top in her seduction attempts.

People are weird and it's not always about looks.

I don't want a husband. I definitely don't want your short, balding, ugly, stupid husband.

You can keep him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely a thrill and power move. They like to know they can have anyone they want. And of course guys don't usually leave their wife, the OW just wants to knowledge she could have him if she wanted him.

The three women I know like this have issues from childhood. They are successful professionally, but get bored easily in committed relationships.

She can’t have him if she wants him if he has zero plans to leave the wife and just use her for cheap, easy sex.

Lots of people are happy for some cheap, easy, umcomitted sex at certain times in their life.

Anonymous wrote:Not proud of it but I have seduced married men. It's a rush. Truth be told, by the time you hit your 30s and 40s, all the attractive, successful and passionate men are married.

The remaining attractive single men in your 40s have their run of the dating market and are indifferent to you. The married ones undress you like its the greatest gift they are unwrapping.

Once we agreed on my DADT arrangement, I hit Ashley Madison and a few dating sites looking for married women. Indeed I found them but to my surprise, half the women I saw were single and they were the ones who came after me. I didn't approach a single woman who wasn't married. I remember talking to one woman about it who I saw for about a year and she assured me there are plenty of single woman who would enjoy such an arrangement, if only for a short time in some cases. That was an eye opener to me but she was right.

Anonymous wrote:
In my experience, affairs just happen when two people are attracted to each other. It's unfortunate (and terribly short-sighted) when people such as the woman you describe act on their impulses in their own social circle, but I don't think she nor anyone is purposefully targeting your husband just because he's married to YOU.

+1. While some women may get some thrill out of it, I don’t believe that to be the case for all. For the women who date married men, the fact that they are married just doesn’t matter. It’s a status between him and his wife. She’s not in that relationship and it has nothing to do with her.

A segment of women on this board get very worked up over cheating. Sometimes marriages don’t work out. People meet someone they decide they want more or could be happier with. They pursue that relationship and move on. It’s not personal- for the cheating husband or the other woman.

Men do leave their wives. Sometimes it’s for the other woman. That’s a scary fact for happily married people. It’s much more comforting to think it can’t happen to them and it doesn’t happen to others. My DH was married when we met, divorced his ex-wife, and we are now married. He hadn’t loved her for many years and was ready to leave. And he didn’t affair down - I’m younger, make more money, and actually like sex. We are happy now. I didn’t target him because he was married. We met and he happened to be married. It wasn’t personal against his wife. We were just two people very attracted to each other that wanted to be with each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not proud of it but I have seduced married men. It's a rush. Truth be told, by the time you hit your 30s and 40s, all the attractive, successful and passionate men are married.

The remaining attractive single men in your 40s have their run of the dating market and are indifferent to you. The married ones undress you like its the greatest gift they are unwrapping.

My kind of lady!

A self-fulling prophecy. Men may be indifferent because you’re not a 1st round pick in this pool of possibility, given this attitude. You are worth more. I hope you see that value one day. If you don’t expect more of you, why would anyone else? At a minimum you must bring strength and perseverance to a marriage with your husband. It is hard to do that when you don’t respect the actual construct of marriage itself. I’ll bet if you cleared the negative energy, you would make way for what you truly desire.

Anonymous wrote:Wanna send her my way? Been looking to offload my H on someone.

Be careful what you wish for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She likes variety... Who cares.

Nobody does (except her spouse) if that variety is single. It’s when she goes after married guys is when it’s a much bigger issue.

That’s between her, the married guy and the wife, if she finds out. I steer clear of that drama. I will say I have slept with a few married women and they never got caught.

Anonymous wrote:Not proud of it but I have seduced married men. It's a rush. Truth be told, by the time you hit your 30s and 40s, all the attractive, successful and passionate men are married.

The remaining attractive single men in your 40s have their run of the dating market and are indifferent to you. The married ones undress you like its the greatest gift they are unwrapping.

My kind of lady!

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. They are called “whores”.

Love them! Don’t want any commitment.