Reply to Can you help me process finding out that sister has become really obese?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.[/quote]
 :shock: [/quote]

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