Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not overweight, but I just don't get what people think is going to magically happen when they ask family members "How can I help you and support you with your weight problem?" This is so vague and at the same time so condescending, as if the overweight person were assumed to be terribly unhappy and unable to function, and had no life other than being overweight. And the overweight person must provide you with an agenda, pronto, to give you steps to "help" them? Please. It just sounds so unbelievably absurd.

Please go to an Al-Anon meeting, OP, and others of your ilk. Stop with the preaching, stop with the concern trolling, and stop with the virtue signalling. You are all useless and what you are doing is not a good look.

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Aren't you a peach.

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation. Live in different countries.

I brought it up when we saw each other in person for the first time in years. Verbalized 'I am worried about you' and 'what can I do to help you/support you'.

She wasn't ready to hear it/do anything about it. She denied any issue (she was out of breath walking upstairs- really huffing and puffing- but denied it) and called it 'a couple pounds I think'...we were out shopping at one point and both liked the same item and she said 'oh if it fits you, it will fit me- we are the same size' (we were/give and take, growing up- both about a size 8) and I said 'I don't think we are- try this' and she couldn't get it on one arm and looked confused/got quiet. It actually messed with my mind and I ended up asking my MIL and DH if we were the same size (when we were alone). It was a resounding no.

It made me realize that she really is delusional and perhaps the clothing not fitting us both was a wakeup call. She also tried to borrow a bathing suit- so I let her. She said 'It didn't look good on me' and wore her own, so again, I hoped she was processing/ready for a change. I'm still an 8 (bust and hips) and she has to be... I don't know how large clothes get... but several of her tops said XXL or XXXL- so whatever that corresponds to. She made a few comments about clothing being sized smaller these days and clothing she had owned for years suddenly shrinking in the wash. I advised I had not had that experience. Several times I noticed she would decline food/snacks/desert, but then she would be 'sneaking' something later or food amounts would change/containers would be in the garbage.

After that visit over the next few weeks to check in with her plans to 'join a gym' 'exercise more' and 'eat better'... I advised concrete goals, not general ones but suggestions just couldn't get to a micro-level with her- it was all pie in the sky. This was Xmas, then Covid happened. So she has happily reported no change. It's sad but I just plan on periodically letting her know "I am worried about you" and "how can I support you".

I'm still kind of grieving the situation and trying to reconcile the person I knew and the person she is. I don't want to attack her beliefs and I barely challenged them.... and it was water off a duck's back. I work in health care and am aware of recognizing and eliciting signs that a person is interested/ready/able to change and she is JUST not there.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely MYOB. I am overweight and I know I'm overweight. I also know I have gained weight during the covid time. I was not abused and I am not depressed. I just like food and eat to much of it. If someone in my family or friends pointed out to me that I had gained weight it would really hurt my feelings and it would make me less likely to want to talk to that person. Every time I talked to them I would know they are judging me for my weight. I know you want to help but it is much more likely you will hurt your relationship by pointing out the obvious.