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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t often leave my husband with responsibility for our daughter because he has autism (diagnosed after we had our baby) and [b]horrible executive functioning skills. His inability to perceive others’ needs and poor planning[/b], both through time and space, means that he does things like crash cars into static objects, [b]“forgets” that toddlers need meals,[/b] leaves exterior doors wide open, etc. He probably has a lot in common with PP’s drowning incident dad, so I’m really careful with the decisions I make around the care of our daughter. It sucks and does socially isolate me sometimes, but we’re already socially isolated because my [b]DH is rude and indifferent in social situations[/b], so it doesn’t matter. And to answer everyone’s question, of course he wasn’t like this when he met. Some adults with autism have really good social masking skills that they can deploy in situations like dating, work, etc.[/quote]

I rather be divorced than have to deal with a partner like this. At least, I wouldn't have to resent their inability to be a functional adult in the basic sense and an equal partner in parenting and household management.

Anyone whose innate personality is like this but manages to hide it during dating, especially long enough for someone to marry them, is profoundly dishonest. They're misrepresenting who they are and they are effectively tricking someone into marriage. [/quote]

Yes, that’s the fundamental flaw in my marriage (I’m the PP you quoted). Thank you for the validation, inadvertent or not. I live with a man who has decided that I’m supposed to forgive his mistakes and flaws because of his late-in-life diagnosis of HFA and that “he can’t help it”, which is technically accurate, but from my perspective I feel like my commitment to him was gained through trickery. It’s a continuous and devastating breach of the deepest trust I’ve ever given anyone. [/quote]

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