Reply to Relationship at an impasse - who moves in with whom?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think there's anything inherently weird about the boyfriends living situation.  I imagine it went like this:  At age 25-28, he was living with 2 good guy friends in a 3 bedroom row house in the city - with rent at about $5000 a month.  A totally reasonable way of living.  When they were 28, the landlord said he wanted to sell - and the tenants have right of first refusal per DC law.  The third friend said he wasn't interested. The other friend is at this point in a very serious relationship. The only way this financially works out is for the two of them to buy together - because the house costs $850,000.  It's not a forever plan, but it's a financially better move than buying a one-bedroom condo for $500k each (that won't appreciate in value as much as a house), neither one can afford the $850k house by themselves, and a psychologically better plan than moving to a cheaper place in the suburbs (for someone who likes to be in the city).  I think that if you've got a really good best friend that you've enjoyed living with for all these years, this kind of living arrangement can make a lot of sense.

That said, it's totally reasonable that OP doesn't want to move into this situation. I wouldn't!

That also said.... if i'm her boyfriend who clearly values city living.... there's no chance in hell i'd be moving to the suburbs or silver spring.  But that's where OP wants to live - also a reasonable thing.

So where does that leave them? Duh.  Have a conversation with the BF about this.  Are you moving towards marriage?  If so, what does he think about the living plans?  Where are you currently spending most of your overnights?  If he says that he's not close to marriage - then problem solved. If he says he plans to live in this arrangement in perpetuity - then problem solved.  If he says he hasn't thought much about it but understands that you wouldn't want to live there - then you get to discuss it like mature adults and come up with a medium term solution. Like maybe renting a 2 bedroom in the city, while he rents his other place.   [/quote]

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