Reply to Why Is My 16 Year Old Son A Raging Asshat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I haven't had time to read all the comments so someone may have already said this.  I agree with you that rudeness is unacceptable.  Your kid is acting like a jerk. You shouldn't let him act that way without challenging him on that.

On the other hand, I wonder if you and your husband are being fair to him. Sounds like he is doing okay in school and sports.  No, he is not living up to your standards and he is in for a surprise if he thinks he will get into the very top schools with his grades such as they are. But the fact is that he is doing well and will get into some decent schools.

He will need to come to terms with matching his effort to his ambitions but you can't "punish" that in to him.  You can make it clear that his perceptions don't match reality but you can't force him to be different.  And I suspect he may be reacting oppositionally because he feels like you're too hard on him.
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So here's my bottom line. I agree that it is frustrating to see your kid not live up to his potential (been there done that) but he's doing fine compared to a lot of other kids I know. I suggest holding the line on the rudeness but realizing that he's got to sort out the ambition stuff for himself and giving him some slack on that.[/i]

Good luck! Sounds like a tough time for you all!.[/quote]

Just wanted to clarify that his school work isn't really an issue, his rudeness is, along with his crappy attitude towards us. Even though his missing work annoys me I don't bother him about it. I can check it on Edline and I do see the work is missing, but as long as his grades are above a C I don't even mention it to him. His grades are his to maintain and I do not nag him about them. We evaluate his grades when interims and report cards are sent home. If grades drop then his father and I start monitoring Edline more closely, or if a teacher contacts us (which has happened). I try not to interfere with school and let him manage his assignments, he's almost off to college and needs to learn to organize his studies himself.

We discuss college expectations with him, but that's on him at this point. We've talked about school and I know which schools he'd like to apply to. The future is his. How hard he works will determine where he goes. I cannot do the work for him or force him to do his best. I advise him, and I encourage him but I have no unrealistic expectation on him, quite the opposite. He feels he is going to be accepted everywhere he applies, I have gently tried to explain to him that isn't going to be the case and that this year is so important to his future. I would never "punish" him for not getting into a great school. He knows how important it is, I just don't think he realizes how tough the competition really is.

[/quote]
Okay, thanks for the clarification. It wasn't clear from your earlier post.[/quote]

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