Reply to Support Group for middle age WIVES not having sex...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Good man, love him, and he's always had a lower libido than I. Compromise with reduced frequency and same-old, same-old super-vanilla (lets get real: less than vanilla) sex was something I could compromise on. But after 12 years, we're down to zero and have been for almost 2 years. I don't bother to ask anymore. I will get a divorce after kids are up and out in another 10.  I don't hang it over his head like a threat because: a) I don't want coerced sex and b) a decade-long threat is toxic--we're still married, parenting, friends, and so on, and need kindness to do that well. Divorce won't be a surprise, though. It's depressing as hell, sometimes. [/quote]
No thoughts about finding a FWB?[/quote]

Yes. My thoughts are
- I don't like to lie or sneak around. Anything as profound as that should be discussed and agreed upon in principle, even though the identity of the "friend" I find would probably have to be my secret. 
[b]- I think even the conversation would be painful and perceived as a divorce, and would be very risky to our marriage and coparenting.[/b] Once the door is opened, don't think I can shut it. I'd need to be very very sure, and willing to risk that. I'm not, yet. 
- The taboo of having "an affair" even if sanctioned by my husband--if I were found out by someone else--is palpable. 
- I would not want my husband to find his own fwb. If he has a sex drive, I'd want it expressed with me. Not sure how he'd feel to be left out of such a deal. Just another risk factor (see above). 
- Not sure I can have a fwb without the emotional side of a relationship. Think it could turn nasty. Would probably just be cleaner to divorce.

Basically I'm not sure a fwb would be a solution rather than just another big stinky problem, in the end. Ymmv. 
[/quote]

If you are male or female, if your spouse says "I want a FWB" or "I want an open marriage", you should regard it as an admission they are already cheating, and start interviewing divorce lawyers.[/quote]

You have this exactly backwards. If you consistently reject sex from your partner, [b]you should already be interviewing divorce lawyers.[/b] The fact that your spouse says "I want an open marriage" is evidence that they want to stay with you, despite your abnormal disinterest in sex. You get exactly what you want: remain married AND no sex.[/quote]

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