Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 43, DH is 45. Both of us are attractive, fit, healthy, and active. From the outside looking in, you'd never think that we were a sexless couple. We had a 3 month dry spell last year. I can count on one hand the number of times we've had sex in 2020. I guess it's around once a month at this point. And probably about 3-5 minutes when it finally happens (with me initiating which I'm no longer doing, out of protest). This is truly pathetic and I NEVER thought I would end up like this. We've been married less than 5 years.

How do other women deal with this? I can't be the only one.

most women grow dry. it is only a matter of time. Better for men to stay unmarried. Then women seem to like sex. Dont understand it, but I can vouch this is true. At least for 50 something males. Getting more than I ever got while married. Good sex too. Make your toes curl sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I posted in another thread, online affairs can be pretty damn exciting. I never thought I'd say that, but it's the truth.

Post what you're looking for in the explicit forum and you'll get many PMs.

+1 I can give you my screen name

Um. Can someone tell me what an online affair is like? I'm honestly interested. How does it even work? I never ever want to leave my marriage, but this lack of outlet is killing me.

Texting and sexting, sharing fantasies, maybe pictures. They are fun for a while, and generally burn out or devolve into a comfort zone like marriage after a while. It is a fun, safe outlet assuming you don't get caught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I posted in another thread, online affairs can be pretty damn exciting. I never thought I'd say that, but it's the truth.

Post what you're looking for in the explicit forum and you'll get many PMs.

+1 I can give you my screen name

Um. Can someone tell me what an online affair is like? I'm honestly interested. How does it even work? I never ever want to leave my marriage, but this lack of outlet is killing me.

Texting and sexting, sharing fantasies, maybe pictures. They are fun for a while, and generally burn out or devolve into a comfort zone like marriage after a while. It is a fun, safe outlet assuming you don't get caught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I posted in another thread, online affairs can be pretty damn exciting. I never thought I'd say that, but it's the truth.

Post what you're looking for in the explicit forum and you'll get many PMs.

+1 I can give you my screen name

Um. Can someone tell me what an online affair is like? I'm honestly interested. How does it even work? I never ever want to leave my marriage, but this lack of outlet is killing me.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm 43, DH is 45. Both of us are attractive, fit, healthy, and active. From the outside looking in, you'd never think that we were a sexless couple. We had a 3 month dry spell last year. I can count on one hand the number of times we've had sex in 2020. I guess it's around once a month at this point. And probably about 3-5 minutes when it finally happens (with me initiating which I'm no longer doing, out of protest). This is truly pathetic and I NEVER thought I would end up like this. We've been married less than 5 years.

How do other women deal with this? I can't be the only one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I posted in another thread, online affairs can be pretty damn exciting. I never thought I'd say that, but it's the truth.

Post what you're looking for in the explicit forum and you'll get many PMs.

+1 I can give you my screen name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good man, love him, and he's always had a lower libido than I. Compromise with reduced frequency and same-old, same-old super-vanilla (lets get real: less than vanilla) sex was something I could compromise on. But after 12 years, we're down to zero and have been for almost 2 years. I don't bother to ask anymore. I will get a divorce after kids are up and out in another 10. I don't hang it over his head like a threat because: a) I don't want coerced sex and b) a decade-long threat is toxic--we're still married, parenting, friends, and so on, and need kindness to do that well. Divorce won't be a surprise, though. It's depressing as hell, sometimes.

No thoughts about finding a FWB?

Yes. My thoughts are
- I don't like to lie or sneak around. Anything as profound as that should be discussed and agreed upon in principle, even though the identity of the "friend" I find would probably have to be my secret.
- I think even the conversation would be painful and perceived as a divorce, and would be very risky to our marriage and coparenting. Once the door is opened, don't think I can shut it. I'd need to be very very sure, and willing to risk that. I'm not, yet.
- The taboo of having "an affair" even if sanctioned by my husband--if I were found out by someone else--is palpable.
- I would not want my husband to find his own fwb. If he has a sex drive, I'd want it expressed with me. Not sure how he'd feel to be left out of such a deal. Just another risk factor (see above).
- Not sure I can have a fwb without the emotional side of a relationship. Think it could turn nasty. Would probably just be cleaner to divorce.

Basically I'm not sure a fwb would be a solution rather than just another big stinky problem, in the end. Ymmv.

If you are male or female, if your spouse says "I want a FWB" or "I want an open marriage", you should regard it as an admission they are already cheating, and start interviewing divorce lawyers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good man, love him, and he's always had a lower libido than I. Compromise with reduced frequency and same-old, same-old super-vanilla (lets get real: less than vanilla) sex was something I could compromise on. But after 12 years, we're down to zero and have been for almost 2 years. I don't bother to ask anymore. I will get a divorce after kids are up and out in another 10. I don't hang it over his head like a threat because: a) I don't want coerced sex and b) a decade-long threat is toxic--we're still married, parenting, friends, and so on, and need kindness to do that well. Divorce won't be a surprise, though. It's depressing as hell, sometimes.

No thoughts about finding a FWB?

Yes. My thoughts are
- I don't like to lie or sneak around. Anything as profound as that should be discussed and agreed upon in principle, even though the identity of the "friend" I find would probably have to be my secret.
- I think even the conversation would be painful and perceived as a divorce, and would be very risky to our marriage and coparenting. Once the door is opened, don't think I can shut it. I'd need to be very very sure, and willing to risk that. I'm not, yet.
- The taboo of having "an affair" even if sanctioned by my husband--if I were found out by someone else--is palpable.
- I would not want my husband to find his own fwb. If he has a sex drive, I'd want it expressed with me. Not sure how he'd feel to be left out of such a deal. Just another risk factor (see above).
- Not sure I can have a fwb without the emotional side of a relationship. Think it could turn nasty. Would probably just be cleaner to divorce.

Basically I'm not sure a fwb would be a solution rather than just another big stinky problem, in the end. Ymmv.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up buttercup. Men have been dealing with this forever

Gosh why aren’t you telling everyone here to (silently) declare the marriage open and go out and get an AP? Given that it’s the advice you give to every dude…

She SHOULD declare the marriage open. Not silently! Just take 10 seconds to inform your spouse, done: sexless marriage fixed and saved from divorce.

Does not matter who is the normal libido, male or female. In 90% of cases, the wife is the one who lost interest (so my advice normally does go to "every dude"). But I 100% agree this same advice applies to wives who want a normal sex life while her husband rejects.

I tried that (a woman); we are divorcing. For many reasons. Sexlessness for many years (95% of the marriage) did not help. Low t on his part; anger and resentment and regretting marriage since day 1 on my side.

Tough pill to swallow. I'm sorry. I don't know what's worse - never having had it and just dealing with it or having it at one point and completely losing it?

Kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up buttercup. Men have been dealing with this forever

Gosh why aren’t you telling everyone here to (silently) declare the marriage open and go out and get an AP? Given that it’s the advice you give to every dude…

She SHOULD declare the marriage open. Not silently! Just take 10 seconds to inform your spouse, done: sexless marriage fixed and saved from divorce.

Does not matter who is the normal libido, male or female. In 90% of cases, the wife is the one who lost interest (so my advice normally does go to "every dude"). But I 100% agree this same advice applies to wives who want a normal sex life while her husband rejects.

I tried that (a woman); we are divorcing. For many reasons. Sexlessness for many years (95% of the marriage) did not help. Low t on his part; anger and resentment and regretting marriage since day 1 on my side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up buttercup. Men have been dealing with this forever

Gosh why aren’t you telling everyone here to (silently) declare the marriage open and go out and get an AP? Given that it’s the advice you give to every dude…

She SHOULD declare the marriage open. Not silently! Just take 10 seconds to inform your spouse, done: sexless marriage fixed and saved from divorce.

Does not matter who is the normal libido, male or female. In 90% of cases, the wife is the one who lost interest (so my advice normally does go to "every dude"). But I 100% agree this same advice applies to wives who want a normal sex life while her husband rejects.

Anonymous wrote:As I posted in another thread, online affairs can be pretty damn exciting. I never thought I'd say that, but it's the truth.

Post what you're looking for in the explicit forum and you'll get many PMs.