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[quote=Anonymous]These threads always go nowhere and everyone gets mad because there is no universal answer to this.

Some men suck in bed.

Some women use sex to control their spouses.

Some men are terrible partners.

Some women are terrible partners.

I think that generally if two people love each other romantically than they find their way through/around these problems. I had awful pregnancies and libido went way down but I pushed through and made sure we never went TOTALLY sexless and afterwards was always enthusiastic. My husband made it a point to be an active and loving and helpful partner who put effort into taking chores off my plate and making me feel attractive.

There is so much going on there. Both people pushing through things they don't want to do, both people working on making it exciting and new, both people prioritizing it, both people prioritizing their spouse's happiness OUTSIDE of the sex as well. If any one of those pieces falls down, things can start to deteriorate. So its never the same thing, its always a combination of things.

If I had to say what the most important ingredient it is, it is both spouses caring and actively working to improve the other spouse's life. And this only works if BOTH spouses are doing it. If one drops the ball its resentment city. But when we care about the things that aren't sex that each other are going through, than both of us feel loved and respected and that makes us want to have sex. Whenever sex starts to go sideways, its about something else. The something else changes, but its never really the sex itself, for me at least, I know for other couples that is the important variable.[/quote]

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