Reply to Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If the therapist isn't able to make judgments on behavior, how is the therapist helping? if your partner refuses to acknowledge that having an affair was wrong, why would you be able to rebuild trust? How do you even know the affair is over?

Get a new therapist. No one needs a therapist who just pats their hand and tells them they are a good person. You want a therapist who believes in CHANGING bad behavior, not soothing people who do bad things. That's a waste of time and money.[/quote]

The point of therapy isn’t to pass judgment and declare winners and losers, perpetrators and victims, it’s to help couples understand themselves and each other better, and to develop tools to improve their relationships and help them manage future conflict more constructively.  If your partner doesn’t believe Th at infidelity is wrong and you do, a therapist passing judgment isn’t likely to fix the real problem, which is that you and your partner have different and potentially incompatible values.  If your partner knows in their gut that the affair was wrong but has other problems with admitting it, therapy can help work through those issues so the couple can address the infidelity directly.  But a therapist condemning the partner for their behavior will only cause that person to shut down and refuse to do the necessary work.  After all, the cheating spouse probably had grievances too (not that those justify the affair), and likely won’t feel heard on those if they think the therapist believes them to be a crappy person for cheating.[/quote]

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