Reply to Wife Just Physically Assaulted Me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That's the thing. DCUM treats these situations like a zero sum game. Obviously infidelity is wrong. Responding by going on strike for soccer practice and cooking the children's dinner is also wrong.[/quote]

I hear your sincerity but so much is wrong with this. It's not [i]his[/i] responsibility to run carpool or cook all meals. It's [i]their[/i] responsibility. It is absolutely [i]her[/i] responsibility to keep other men's d*cks from finding their way into any of her orifices.

Trying to apportion fault between the two as equal is just a bad look. The exwife is 100% at fault for everything.[/quote]

I am sincere about this. My Dad had an affair with his editor and left my mom when I was 12. I spent a few years watching my mom lay on the couch and pop Xanax while my dad honeymooned in Europe with this lady. Did I mention I was the editor's babysitter so her toddler became my stepbrother. It was a mess. I was so angry with my Dad that I was a holy terror for years. I also knew how sad and angry my mom was, but she never let us in on any of that. Kept her head high, took care of us, dutifully put us on the plane to see my dad when it was his time to have us (because he also moved to be with this lady. Yes, it was a mess).

We're 25 years out from it all now. My mom is happily remarried. My dad is no longer with the editor. My relationship with my Dad has been repaired over the years and I'm grateful he's in my life. I give my mom huge credit for making that happen.

So I speak from the kid's perspective. When a spouse does the cowardly thing and has an affair, it's awful. I have enormous empathy for the wounded spouse. But as a now healthy adult I'm the product of being kept out of the middle. Believe me, I know who f*cked up in my parent's situation. But it was never my battle to fight, and I'm happy I never had to. I wanted both of my parents and thankfully I got to keep them both. It's a gift I hope all kids are given.

As a final note I'll say that very rarely is it anyone's 100% fault. My dad dealt his marriage to my mom the death blow but she contributed her fair share. As far as whose responsibility the kids are, it's a responsibility, period. It's not owned or shared. It just is. Sometimes one person is the adult and picks it up; rarely do they regret it, and I promise you the kids appreciate it.

- One person's perspective

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