Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the guy whose wife called 911.

She didn't make partner. I got full custody and it took her two years to get unsupervised visits after that. Not surprisingly, she isn't in her kid's life. She's moved to Richmond and the kids and I are doing very well. Much better than before

I took her for palimony and I got the house and the condo we owned first.

To the poster that tried to malign time spent watching movies with their kids. Wow, just wow. You're especially gross.

And the cherry on top for all you sad women out there:

My new wife is 14 tears younger, way, way hotter and is actually a decent person. My kids like her more than they like their birth mother.

Merry Christmas!

Troll. It’s not called palimony if you were married. It’s alimony whether you are the DH or DW.

Yeah. It sure is a convenient outcome. But, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the thing. DCUM treats these situations like a zero sum game. Obviously infidelity is wrong. Responding by going on strike for soccer practice and cooking the children's dinner is also wrong.

I hear your sincerity but so much is wrong with this. It's not his responsibility to run carpool or cook all meals. It's their responsibility. It is absolutely her responsibility to keep other men's d*cks from finding their way into any of her orifices.

Trying to apportion fault between the two as equal is just a bad look. The exwife is 100% at fault for everything.

I am sincere about this. My Dad had an affair with his editor and left my mom when I was 12. I spent a few years watching my mom lay on the couch and pop Xanax while my dad honeymooned in Europe with this lady. Did I mention I was the editor's babysitter so her toddler became my stepbrother. It was a mess. I was so angry with my Dad that I was a holy terror for years. I also knew how sad and angry my mom was, but she never let us in on any of that. Kept her head high, took care of us, dutifully put us on the plane to see my dad when it was his time to have us (because he also moved to be with this lady. Yes, it was a mess).

We're 25 years out from it all now. My mom is happily remarried. My dad is no longer with the editor. My relationship with my Dad has been repaired over the years and I'm grateful he's in my life. I give my mom huge credit for making that happen.

So I speak from the kid's perspective. When a spouse does the cowardly thing and has an affair, it's awful. I have enormous empathy for the wounded spouse. But as a now healthy adult I'm the product of being kept out of the middle. Believe me, I know who f*cked up in my parent's situation. But it was never my battle to fight, and I'm happy I never had to. I wanted both of my parents and thankfully I got to keep them both. It's a gift I hope all kids are given.

As a final note I'll say that very rarely is it anyone's 100% fault. My dad dealt his marriage to my mom the death blow but she contributed her fair share. As far as whose responsibility the kids are, it's a responsibility, period. It's not owned or shared. It just is. Sometimes one person is the adult and picks it up; rarely do they regret it, and I promise you the kids appreciate it.

- One person's perspective

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want to call the police but what do you want to do? Are you a man or a woman? Are there kids involved?

Good point, sorry for my heteronormative assumption, OP.

What difference does it make if it’s a man or woman?

It affects the level of danger OP is in. If the wife is threatening with a gun, the danger is the same. In a fistfight, the smaller, weaker party is in more danger. That’s just an objective fact that might affect what OP does next.

There is nothing physical about men and women that makes a man in less danger from an intimate partner if things get physical. There are a million ways that don't require a gun for a weaker person to severely injure a stronger one, especially when they live together. What makes it less dangerous is simply the assumption that women are less violent than men and won't take it as far. Which may be true but it's not about smaller and weaker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP never came back to say if she is a woman? I strongly suspect she is in a lesbian relationship. We had many posts from a woman in a lesbian marriage here, and each post was showing some escalation of issues. OP was constantly unhappy, her spouse was ignoring her, and that OP always came out as extremely needy, and picking on every single thing. Still does not make OP not a victim. If this is that same OP, here is my advice for you. Your marriage is not working, you hate her parents, you hate the lack of intimacy and you need to get out of this relationship. If you are not her, same advice goes.

Physical abuse is rampant and under reported in the lesbian community. It's an odd factoid I learned during a recent work training session. Like, significantly less than in any other relationship configuration.

I think it is underreported for the same reason that it is underreported in the AA and undocumented Latinx communities. People feel already judged and under scrutiny. They do not want to further invite discrimination or unrelated police actions.

I don’t have time to read the thread, but call a lawyer in your state. None of us will give you better advice than your own lawyer. Stay safe.

Anonymous wrote:So OP never came back to say if she is a woman? I strongly suspect she is in a lesbian relationship. We had many posts from a woman in a lesbian marriage here, and each post was showing some escalation of issues. OP was constantly unhappy, her spouse was ignoring her, and that OP always came out as extremely needy, and picking on every single thing. Still does not make OP not a victim. If this is that same OP, here is my advice for you. Your marriage is not working, you hate her parents, you hate the lack of intimacy and you need to get out of this relationship. If you are not her, same advice goes.

Physical abuse is rampant and under reported in the lesbian community. It's an odd factoid I learned during a recent work training session. Like, significantly less than in any other relationship configuration.

So OP never came back to say if she is a woman? I strongly suspect she is in a lesbian relationship. We had many posts from a woman in a lesbian marriage here, and each post was showing some escalation of issues. OP was constantly unhappy, her spouse was ignoring her, and that OP always came out as extremely needy, and picking on every single thing. Still does not make OP not a victim. If this is that same OP, here is my advice for you. Your marriage is not working, you hate her parents, you hate the lack of intimacy and you need to get out of this relationship. If you are not her, same advice goes.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the guy whose wife called 911.

She didn't make partner. I got full custody and it took her two years to get unsupervised visits after that. Not surprisingly, she isn't in her kid's life. She's moved to Richmond and the kids and I are doing very well. Much better than before

I took her for palimony and I got the house and the condo we owned first.

To the poster that tried to malign time spent watching movies with their kids. Wow, just wow. You're especially gross.

And the cherry on top for all you sad women out there:

My new wife is 14 tears younger, way, way hotter and is actually a decent person. My kids like her more than they like their birth mother.

Merry Christmas!

Troll. It’s not called palimony if you were married. It’s alimony whether you are the DH or DW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want to call the police but what do you want to do? Are you a man or a woman? Are there kids involved?

Good point, sorry for my heteronormative assumption, OP.

Is it heteronormative or probabilistic?

Anonymous wrote:That's the thing. DCUM treats these situations like a zero sum game. Obviously infidelity is wrong. Responding by going on strike for soccer practice and cooking the children's dinner is also wrong.

I hear your sincerity but so much is wrong with this. It's not his responsibility to run carpool or cook all meals. It's their responsibility. It is absolutely her responsibility to keep other men's d*cks from finding their way into any of her orifices.

Trying to apportion fault between the two as equal is just a bad look. The exwife is 100% at fault for everything.

OP, if you do not have kids, stop debating calling the police or not, especially if you said you do not want to press charges. This relationship is a stinker and it’s over. Leave. You’re not going to fix it. You married the wrong person.

If you have kids, prepare your exit plan - make sure you have money you can access that she cannot so you have a place to stay when you leave.

That's the thing. DCUM treats these situations like a zero sum game. Obviously infidelity is wrong. Responding by going on strike for soccer practice and cooking the children's dinner is also wrong.

I'm the guy whose wife called 911.

She didn't make partner. I got full custody and it took her two years to get unsupervised visits after that. Not surprisingly, she isn't in her kid's life. She's moved to Richmond and the kids and I are doing very well. Much better than before

I took her for palimony and I got the house and the condo we owned first.

To the poster that tried to malign time spent watching movies with their kids. Wow, just wow. You're especially gross.

And the cherry on top for all you sad women out there:

My new wife is 14 tears younger, way, way hotter and is actually a decent person. My kids like her more than they like their birth mother.

Merry Christmas!

Anonymous wrote:My now exwife didn't come home one Saturday about 6 years ago. She refused to answer any questions whatsoever for the following week

So, I stopped behaving like we were married. Stopped picking up the kids, stopped taking them to practice, stopped taking out the trash, stopped doing the laundry, stopped grocery shopping, stopped cooking dinners and packing lunches- stopped doing 'my 'duties.' She was tryng to make partner and her work load was overwhelming, to put it mildly. She worked 80 a week for almost two years.

She couldn't keep up with everything and eventually called the police and claimed I'd shoved her. I've never touched a woman in my life.

I'd been sitting in the basement watching Bugs Life with our daughter when FCPD walked in and asked me to turn around. They cuffed me in front of my daughter. I'd never been arrested in my life. At this point I didn't even know why they were in my house. I stayed totally calm and I think that's what let the cops know she was a lying whore.

Turned out she had been at her HS exbf who was in town for Christmas. We divorced (obviously) but the thing that gets me most is she actually put my life in danger. People like me in that situation get shot by cops all the time. Each time you interact with the police the likelihood of it gong badly for you increases.

Long story short- document extensively f for nothing else than your defense in future interactions.

Not to say she was right, but you sure are an a$$hole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ no sir. You pick up the damned kids. You can stop behaving like you are married and still be a Dad.
Jfc. Separate your disdain for your spouse from your children

No you do not. You leverage where you can. It doesn't sound like his kids were being hurt. He just made his exwife leave work to do the chore. You think he's supposed to be picking up all the slack while she's screwing some other guy?

You're a cuck.

My God, it's parenting. You still do it even through the nastiest of divorces. Men (and women, so don't go there) who can't separate this stuff are so sad.

This is why 50/50 parenting with men is so damaging for the kids. Men will deny resources to their children to piss off their (ex)wives. Women never do this. It’s so sad that the standard custody split is 50/50 considering how men behave towards their families.

If you know how to read, you'll notice PP denied no resources to his children. He denied resources to his wife. If she can't manage her career and care for her children, than shes not only a slut but she's a POS.

Typical female response. The man is responsible for the outcome of the women's cheating.

But, kids grow up and become adults who are capable of seeing what really happened. You should know this- this forum is littered with women estranged from their kids for behavior just like this.

According to the PP he stopped driving his children to soccer and activities. He stopped making them dinner.

Sure, you could argue that all childcare is the mother’s responsibility and men only help when they’re in love with the woman. And if you’re arguing that men have no responsibilities to their children, it’s actually an argument against 50/50 custody. If men can argue that driving their kids to sports and making them dinner is 100% their wives responsibility, those men should not have custody half the time. Poor kids.

I actually laughed out loud enough that my SIL visiting from Chicago asked me what I was reading.

You actually think the kids are suffering because Dad isn't driving them all over DC, while accommodating his wife making partner AND sucking her HS bf's knob?!

Yes, he is to blame for their suffering, not their skanky, selfish, cheating mother. Yes, the crime here is him not making them PB&J's for a week, not his wife laying spread eagle at the Motel 6. Yes, only he should be thinking of their welfare. She is relieved of that to pursue c@ck. He must remain in carpool and lunch bag purgatory until she lets him off!

You can't make this stuff up. You are an imbecile.

Your inability to stay on topic and repeated need to call the mom here sexually degrading names is telling. Men's anger towards women knows no bounds. I'm sorry you can't see how children should be kept out of this. "But she started it!!" sounds as immature from you as it does from my 7 yo.