Reply to I can’t stand my 4.5 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op: I have two autistic kids.  On the one hand, I can fully relate to the feelings of exhaustion and of being overwhelmed.  I can also relate to the dashed expectations of having a kid with a set of behavioral challenges that are simply harder than what you had expected.

But I have always truly loved my time with my kids.  I positively love being around them.  While maybe they have some behaviors I can’t stand, I’ve never come close to saying or even thinking that I can’t stand them.

You frankly sound depressed.

One thing that has helped me handle my very challenging children is that I never stopped working.  When they were younger we had a fabulous nanny.  I was still very hands on, but it was never all on me.

You might consider going back to work.

Meanwhile look into an evaluation for your child.  She may have some underlying issues that lead to emotional regulation challenges (e.g., anxiety, ADHD, even HFA).[/quote]

Thank you for this. Yes I am looking into evaluations. I might consider some depression too if I were reading this cold but I know myself and I am not depressed nor do I have mental health issues. I am simply parenting a very difficult daughter. My mom, mil, and sil (both my mom and sil are BPD) are all very intense personalities so I think it’s just the genetic lottery. I would do back to work but for my two very chill, pleasant sons ages 2 and 7. I don’t want to be away from them. I love being a sahm. It’s just a mismatch of our personalities and I need help. Badly. [/quote]

Your mom is BPD? Have you ever considered that you might have some emotional difficulties from that relationship that you are carrying into your parenting? You might have felt for example like your mom was a bottomless pit and invaded your boundaries. Children do have their own temperaments, but they also vibe off their caregivers. You need to be firm with your boundaries, differentiate her (probably much more appropriate developmental needs and challenges from your mother’s, and think about counseling to get to the bottom of this for you. I suspect your daughter is a gift to heal your relationship with your mom. If you can stay present, grounded, and authentic with her, you may see that the mother-daughter relationship isn’t always one of neediness, broken boundaries, and unrequited affection.[/quote]

Thank you for this. I will talk to my therapist about it. I really appreciate your time typing this insight. Thank you. [/quote]

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