Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call Claire Lerner first thing Monday. She will change your life, your relationship with child, and save your marriage. She is outstanding. She often works hand in hand with an OT that is gifted at helping change challenging behaviors in difficult children. Good luck and just call Claire- you’ll be alright.

The child doesn’t seem difficult though. She’s behaving like any child would to being rejected by her mother. She also has to watch her mother love her two brothers unconditionally while rejecting her. That’s really hard for a kid.

I think the mom needs individual therapy. This isn’t a parenting issue so much as something very troubling is going on with OP. Maybe OP is conditioned to be on edge with other female family members because of her experience with her own mom and sister. I don’t know why she’s keeping her daughter at arms length, but she should try to figure it out. At a minimum send your daughter to full day preschool. This little girl doesn’t need to be rejected all day every day at home. That sounds hellish.

Just reading this while kids have tv time before lunch and have to laugh at “she doesn’t seem difficult”. Just a snippet from
today already. She got into the car at preschool pickup and I tried to hug/kiss her and she growled at me and pulled away. She grabbed my half drank Diet Coke from the front of the car and said she wanted it. I said she could have a little bit with lunch. She opened it and drank it while running to the back
Of the van. I reached back and grabbed it from her and she screamed and refused to get into her car seat. We sat in the parking lot for awhile until I was able to convince her to eat the apple I brought her as a snack then I was able to buckle her in.

We drove home. When we got home, I allow them to watch a show while I prepare lunch and sometimes get her little brother to nap. I put on a show she didn’t like (she just liked it yesterday) and screamed at me to change it. I said no and put the remote up high where I keep it. She pushed a chair over, grabbed it, (while I was watching her and telling her not to), and then ran into the room with it. She refused to give
It to me. I grabbed it from her hands when she watch on the couch and she kicked me hard in the stomach. I ignored her and walked away while she tantrumed. I took her little brother upstairs to put him down to nap and she ran upstairs and kicked me in the back of the legs
I told her to go in her room for a time out. She refused. I picked her up and put her in there and held the door closed for a
Few minutes. She trashed her room.

After getting this out, I opened the door and hugged her and told her her snack was downstairs. She went down to get it and then I put my son down to nap.

Anonymous wrote:I can understand you OP completely. I only have 1 daughter who is almost 4 and is rather difficult. I work hard all day at work, then come home, cook dinner which she won't eat much, then 2 hrs later, she is hungry and want's to eat something. Then, she won't go to bed early, then in the mornings, it's hard to wake her up for preschool, because she likes to sleep late. Of course, everything she wants to do- pick her clothes, shoes etc.- which takes for ever. Every day of the same crap- I'm tired and dream to be somewhere away from my child. I never would think that this all could be so hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op: I have two autistic kids. On the one hand, I can fully relate to the feelings of exhaustion and of being overwhelmed. I can also relate to the dashed expectations of having a kid with a set of behavioral challenges that are simply harder than what you had expected.

But I have always truly loved my time with my kids. I positively love being around them. While maybe they have some behaviors I can’t stand, I’ve never come close to saying or even thinking that I can’t stand them.

You frankly sound depressed.

One thing that has helped me handle my very challenging children is that I never stopped working. When they were younger we had a fabulous nanny. I was still very hands on, but it was never all on me.

You might consider going back to work.

Meanwhile look into an evaluation for your child. She may have some underlying issues that lead to emotional regulation challenges (e.g., anxiety, ADHD, even HFA).

Thank you for this. Yes I am looking into evaluations. I might consider some depression too if I were reading this cold but I know myself and I am not depressed nor do I have mental health issues. I am simply parenting a very difficult daughter. My mom, mil, and sil (both my mom and sil are BPD) are all very intense personalities so I think it’s just the genetic lottery. I would do back to work but for my two very chill, pleasant sons ages 2 and 7. I don’t want to be away from them. I love being a sahm. It’s just a mismatch of our personalities and I need help. Badly.

Your mom is BPD? Have you ever considered that you might have some emotional difficulties from that relationship that you are carrying into your parenting? You might have felt for example like your mom was a bottomless pit and invaded your boundaries. Children do have their own temperaments, but they also vibe off their caregivers. You need to be firm with your boundaries, differentiate her (probably much more appropriate developmental needs and challenges from your mother’s, and think about counseling to get to the bottom of this for you. I suspect your daughter is a gift to heal your relationship with your mom. If you can stay present, grounded, and authentic with her, you may see that the mother-daughter relationship isn’t always one of neediness, broken boundaries, and unrequited affection.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women like the idea of a SAHM lifestyle yet don't actually like kids as much as they think they do. OP hasn't listed one behavior of her daughter that sounds outside the range of normal, she's just not "easy" like the other two. I wonder where OP got the impression this was supposed to be easy?

Boys are generally slower to develop, emotionally, so their needs may feel less complex. Especially if OP has emotional challenges of her own. It may be that the daughter expresses needs she has a hard time acknowledging in herself. Typical “shadow” — other person seems horribly unbearable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call Claire Lerner first thing Monday. She will change your life, your relationship with child, and save your marriage. She is outstanding. She often works hand in hand with an OT that is gifted at helping change challenging behaviors in difficult children. Good luck and just call Claire- you’ll be alright.

The child doesn’t seem difficult though. She’s behaving like any child would to being rejected by her mother. She also has to watch her mother love her two brothers unconditionally while rejecting her. That’s really hard for a kid.

I think the mom needs individual therapy. This isn’t a parenting issue so much as something very troubling is going on with OP. Maybe OP is conditioned to be on edge with other female family members because of her experience with her own mom and sister. I don’t know why she’s keeping her daughter at arms length, but she should try to figure it out. At a minimum send your daughter to full day preschool. This little girl doesn’t need to be rejected all day every day at home. That sounds hellish.

Anonymous wrote:
What’s her relationship like with her dad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call Claire Lerner first thing Monday. She will change your life, your relationship with child, and save your marriage. She is outstanding. She often works hand in hand with an OT that is gifted at helping change challenging behaviors in difficult children. Good luck and just call Claire- you’ll be alright.

The child doesn’t seem difficult though. She’s behaving like any child would to being rejected by her mother. She also has to watch her mother love her two brothers unconditionally while rejecting her. That’s really hard for a kid.

I think the mom needs individual therapy. This isn’t a parenting issue so much as something very troubling is going on with OP. Maybe OP is conditioned to be on edge with other female family members because of her experience with her own mom and sister. I don’t know why she’s keeping her daughter at arms length, but she should try to figure it out. At a minimum send your daughter to full day preschool. This little girl doesn’t need to be rejected all day every day at home. That sounds hellish.

Anonymous wrote:OP: I’m the mom of the two autistic kids. I didn’t mean to suggest that you were depressed as in having a mental illness. But you do sound tired and burned out with your daughter, and your frustration tolerance with her is clearly low. It sounds like a hard situation for you, her and everyone.

Please prioritize looking into an evaluation for her. She may just be challenging because she is, but there’s also a good chance she needs some expert intervention. I’m assuming she’ll be in school full time next year, and the sooner you get a handle on what’s causing her needs the better.

My guess is you’re not a perfect parent. I’m not. Nor are most of us. And behaviorally challenged kids can bring out the worst in us. (I’ve had some moments I’m not proud of.). But understanding your kids is the first step in helping them. And for me, learning why my kids were prone to meltdowns, couldn’t follow directions, etc., has certainly helped me have compassion for them—even during their most challenging moments l.

Good luck. And hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call Claire Lerner first thing Monday. She will change your life, your relationship with child, and save your marriage. She is outstanding. She often works hand in hand with an OT that is gifted at helping change challenging behaviors in difficult children. Good luck and just call Claire- you’ll be alright.

The child doesn’t seem difficult though. She’s behaving like any child would to being rejected by her mother. She also has to watch her mother love her two brothers unconditionally while rejecting her. That’s really hard for a kid.

I think the mom needs individual therapy. This isn’t a parenting issue so much as something very troubling is going on with OP. Maybe OP is conditioned to be on edge with other female family members because of her experience with her own mom and sister. I don’t know why she’s keeping her daughter at arms length, but she should try to figure it out. At a minimum send your daughter to full day preschool. This little girl doesn’t need to be rejected all day every day at home. That sounds hellish.

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You’re an ass. Burn out is burn out. That doesn’t mean someone is troubled or needs therapy. It means they need a break. The daycare angle may be really helpful for this family.