Reply to Separate finances: how to deal if one spouse isn't saving enough for retirement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. DH is a professor, and his college belongs to an association of colleges. He and his kids are counting on going to one of these. They will receive a massive break on tuition. All are top tier, some in the top 20 colleges in the country. So there is a range of options the kids should get into, the kids know these are their options and are happy with that. So this is a saving grace.

What gets my goat is that DH's ex earns a decent salary but spends it 100% on herself, including a new home, car, trips, etc. So she has an ability to contribute but does not. She is difficult, so DH has chosen not to "upset" her by taking her to court. We have the kids 5-6 days/week. [/quote]

So he’s upsetting you by needing your assets to retire.

Why does he not want to upset her further? I’ll bet you he cheated. [/quote]

No, he did not. She has borderline personality disorder, bipolar, and is on the autism spectrum. She admits all this and that she was a horrible wife. She is just a very selfish and not very functional person. She has said she regrets having children because it ruined her lifestyle. She sees herself as a victim and thinks it's unfair that she contribute any $ to the kids because she makes "only" 2/3 what my DH does. Generally, in life, she is looking for what she can get. When DH has asked her to contribute anything, she claims complete poverty and that she doesn't have it (but then is taking vacations, always wearing new outfits, etc.). By doing all the parenting work and paying for it, DH doesn't have to have much contact with her, and I understand why that's easier. When she's upset, she sends him a barrage of texts/emails and he'd prefer not to deal with that.[/quote]

If she’s borderline, then yea, I totally get why he’s not pushing on the money issue.  Any child support he’d actually get is not worth invoking the wrath of person with that disorder.  He’s lucky to be out of the marriage and the kids are lucky that he’s their primary parent.  [/quote]

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