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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been a nanny for 25 years and have met many 4 years old like this. You are not alone, op. To turn things around, I put a strict schedule in place and let the kids know my expectations regarding behaviour. In the beginning it feels like you’re always correcting behaviour and on them all the time, but then little by little things turn around. But you have to be strict. I do rewards charts and chores. I do a lot of positive reinforcement and praise when they do things I want to encourage. When their behaviour is unacceptable, I let them know immediately and the consequence is immediate. I do a lot of natural consequences. If you are rude, I don’t play with you and go do a chore in another room. If you don’t want to eat dinner, children in developed countries rarely starve and you can leave the table. I’m not a short order cook and what I make is what you eat. If you are screaming and yelling at the library or the park, we’ll then we leave. Kids learn pretty quickly with me how to behave in public. I try to do a lot of fun and bonding activities together so that it’s not all rules all the time. I also use a lot of “I feel” messages. “I feel like you’re not listening to me” “I feel like we should put these toys away before we get out a new game. What do you think?”. Kids also have trouble with transitions so I don’t just tell them it’s bed time, I start 15 mins before talking about it and then do 5 and 1 minute reminders. For meals if they’re picky I give them choices but don’t ask what they want, for ex: “do you want chicken kiev, tomatoes pasta or lamb chops for dinner tonight? Oh it would probably be a good idea to add a vegetable, right? Do you think we should do broccoli or spinach?”.  Im not a hard a** all the time and will encourage them to do the things they need to do by saying things like “oooops your shoes are in the living room! I forgot where they go, can you show me?” And “uh oh your plate is still on the table! Let’s put that away and then you can go choose a game to play”. If they don’t want to go to their room for bath “I bet I can run faster to your room!” and then let them win. If you yell or bark orders it doesn’t work. It just teaches them to yell and be rude back to you. I have transformed many ‘spoiled’ (they’re not spoiled, they just haven’t learned better) kids how to behave and you can do it too! [/quote]

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