Reply to Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you know the saying about giving a hungry man a fish and he eats for a day, but teaching him to fish and he eats for a lifetime?  This is the same thing.

Your child does not have any natural social skills.  But you cannot be there for her entire lifetime.  If she doesn't make friends in college, are you going to call the school where her few friends go to college and ask that they admit her to college just so she can be with her friends?  When she is looking for work, are you going to call the companies where her friends work and ask them to give her a job?  While this is hyperbole and exaggerated, you aren't too far off from this.  She's a teenager.  At this point, she needs to learn to fend for herself in social situations.  You still need to parent when it comes to educational and maturation or life learning.  You cannot fight this battle for her.

You should be teaching her how to navigate this situation.  If she really feels lost and feels that she can sacrifice her 4th period class and substitute another, then she needs to go to the guidance counselor and present her case saying that she wants to switch class A for class B so that she can have 4th period lunch.  Or perhaps she needs to join some activities that her friends are already in.  Or you can teach her how to approach some of the acquaintances that she knows from her existing activities to start spending time with them, especially if some of those acquaintances have the same lunch period as she does.  Teach her how to approach someone at lunch and how to be friendly, make eye contact, talk to them by name, and ask if she can join the friend and/or group.  Teach her how to listen to a conversation and look for threads that she can comment on.  Having had several introverted wall-flower friends, I can tell you that the ones that just come and sit on the fringe and exclusively listen to a conversation are the ones that tend to get left out.  I've taught adult friends how to listen to conversations and to insert comments here and there to add to a conversation.  It doesn't take much to be considered a part of the group, even a quiet member of the group, but it does take some effort and work.  But she has no natural instincts on how to do this.  So, you as her parent need to teach her how to navigate this situation.  Either she needs to look for a way to change her schedule herself, whether looking for an way to move her lunch period by changing classes or changing an elective activity to join her friends or she needs to learn how to join a group of acquaintances.

You do your daughter a disservice by attempting to do this for her.  You will be fixing the short-term issue, but not the long-term problem.  And she will be even more crippled when she gets to college and she does not have the organizational skills to make changes for herself, or the social skills to make friends.  You need to stop doing for her and start teaching her.

If you do not know these social skills yourself, then look for a professional who can counsel your daughter.  Or look for groups where she can learn such skills.  I've seen some church youth groups who have taught teens how to socialize and make friends.  [/quote]

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