Reply to Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, [b]haha - wellll.... the fiance probably could do a little better. [/b] ;)

I love both my daughter and fiance very much.  But I think they're both very irresponsible.   It's such a long story, but in short my husband and I spent several thousands of dollars on her secondary education, vocational training, bad financial decisions, bad decisions in general.  Granted, we spent less overall on her education than we did for her sister (since her sister completed her MS), but most of it was a waste as she's now in another vocational program to learn "what she really wanted to do this whole time".  While we've made amends and I do see growth in her decision making, I think it's irresponsible to marry while still living with family.  (Her fiance is still a year away from a nursing degree.)

We have never once, believe it or not, had a conversation with either her or her sister about their weddings.  In retrospect, I even think "wow, how has this never come up?!", but it just hasn't.  [/quote]

OP, that's terrible. This is your own child. The best gift you could give your daughter is to get yourself help to learn to love and support her as a parent should.

Your daughter is demonstrating responsibility by living with her fiance's parents rather than rack up debt to pay for their own place. Your daughter is living frugally and going to school. That sounds like a good plan. It's clear that you're looking for reasons to not support her with this wedding.

Try to work through your own issues and determine a fair amount to give to each daughter when they get married. Let them choose whether to use it for a wedding, house, etc. Given your circumstances, you should definitely  just hand them a monetary gift and not get involved in the decision making or let your negative judgment of your daughter show through. Also do something nice like give your daughter a spa day for the two of you, a sentimental gift for an engagement present, etc. Push yourself to be nurturing and supportive.[/quote]

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