Reply to accepting that sister doesn't like me and we will never be a "family"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The thing that struck me most from your post OP was that you didn't count her plans with her neighbors/friends as being "busy." I have a perfectly good relationship with my siblings (not super-close, but definitely friendly), but if they invited my family to do something when I already had plans with neighbors/friends, I'd tell them I was busy without thinking twice about it. I think you are looking for problems if evidence that your sister (gasp) had fun without you is the last straw/evidence that she lied to you/you will never be friends. Why wouldn't it just be evidence that she was, in fact, busy? It's not like she posted photos of her cleaning out her sock drawer or messages about how bored she was? I genuinely don't get it.[/quote]

Because they are always with their friends and neighbors. If she liked us a little bit, we easily could join in the fun. She didn't have plans with them. They are always just there. It wasn't anything formal.

She told me she was busy at work all day. Then, she posts all the photos of the kids in the yard playing. We could have been there, but she didn't include us. And I'm sorry if that is needy, but it hurts.

[/quote]

OP, I have a neighborhood dynamic like your sister’s. The reason why we all hang out so often is that it’s easy. It’s also really not about the kids. The bonus is that the kids get to play together but it’s really so we can hang out in a very casual way. We also all have similar parenting styles, and have a mutual understanding that we all can parent each other’s kids if necessary. The kids get along really well so there’s very little parenting needed. It’s a break for us as parents, actually.

Changing the dynamic makes it harder, not easier. Your sister would essentially be hosting you, not having downtime of her own. You stated yourself that you have very different parenting styles which makes it not fun or relaxing for your sister. Plus your sister’s kids may prefer to play with their friends instead of giving all their attention to their cousins as you’d probably expect. That leads to an uncomfortable situation. It also impacts the adults because they have to make small talk with you instead of being comfortable with their close friends.

Honestly, every time we have a family involved who is not one of our “usuals” it changes the dynamic negatively and we realize that sometimes it’s best not to mix things up. I will make plans separately with families we want to spend time with that aren’t part of our close neighbor circle, but that doesn’t happen all that often due to the fact that as a dual parent WOH household we don’t have a ton of time. We prefer to spend our little bit of free time with people we can count on to truly make that time enjoyable and easy. That’s the reality of the situation. [/quote]

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