Reply to We've been dating for less than a year. Now he has a serious, life-altering illness.

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Reply to "We've been dating for less than a year. Now he has a serious, life-altering illness."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here and I agree with PPs to get out, or the PP that said give yourself 6 months etc.

One thought I haven't seen expressed yet is WHY long term marriages can often shoulder through tough times.

I've been married over 20 years and we've had some tough times.  What goes on in the pre-marriage and early years of marriage is this foundation-building of good times and positive experiences.

These experiences are like money in the bank.  They are reserves.  Then the sh*t hits the fan, and one person needs a big withdrawal, or both people are hit (maybe by their teenage kid) and need the withdrawal, but the reserves are there.

I remember one time when I had infant/toddlers and used to reminisce about a trip we took to Greece.  Thank goodness for that trip to Greece, so long ago, before we were married.

I could go on re when DH had job trouble and got depressed, when our teen's health issue stressed me out so much it became questionable who was more sick...

But over time, before all that, my DH and I had built up reserves.  That reserve gives you the strength and loyalty to persevere, vs. feeling cheated and used and trapped.

Look at it this way:  It's not about you as an individual being shitty or whatever; it's simply about the circumstances.  You two have not built up your relationship reserve yet.  Therefore, you will feel trapped.  He may also feel trapped into being loyal to you.  It's a situation not set up to succeed.  [/quote]

Not all relationships are fortunate enough to have early years of just good experiences. My marriage is good but it was forged in fire from early on, unfortunately. [/quote]

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