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Reply to "Does anyone worry about "bad genes"?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My HS and college BF of 4 years eventually broke up with me in large part because of my mother’s extreme obesity and my father’s alcoholism, at his motherMs very strong and apparently years-long urging.  I was SO betrayed and felt so wronged.  My parents’ failings were not mine!  I had overcome so much!  I had resilience and strength!

25 years later, I get it.  I really do.  My life has been far harder than I would have predicted then, and my own mental health issues plus the damage of years of neglect and trauma is far, far worse than I let myself see then.  (I’m glad I didn’t see it then.)  One of my brothers is dead by suicide.  I spent years caretaking my parents.  I am nearly 50 and broke and now have obesity as well.

I am a really good person and very loving.  But he has a wife now who grew up in a stable home with healthy, functional parents.  They are financially secure.  He chose better DNA and I actually can’t fault him, ultimately.  I’m still hurt by it; I deserved better.

I chose poorly with my own DH as well.  He has actual siociopatgy in his family, running rampant, and quite a strong streak of it himself.  It’s far more terrifying to me than the alcoholism and obesity on my side.

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