Reply to How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]
I think there is one very angry divorced man posting a lot on this thread. [/b] Based on what he is saying, OP, the only way to date a quality man is to make it clear you want to marry him.  Because if you don’t want marriage, you are clearly just a slut who will never find a quality man.

to the angry man :  commitment does not require marriage.  There are adults who decide to be together without legal or religious ceremonies.  They aren’t actively looking for better options.  This might not be you, and that’s ok.  However, you shouldn’t act like the concept is so foreign to you, it makes you seem small minded and misogynistic. [/quote]

NP
Yep.

[quote=Anonymous]No one is saying OP has to be interested in marrying the guy. That's not the point.

The point is that OP is probably delusional if she goes into a relationship KNOWING that she wants it to be casual and non-serious from the get-go, yet having this expectation that she is going to find a DESIRABLE man who will agree to "exclusivity."

[b]What does that even mean? He has to be "exclusive" until she decides she wants to dump him or date someone else? She alone gets that option? 
ridiculous.

[/b]OP is a divorced woman in her 40's who apparently just wants casual sex. Fine. Casual sex is inherently "non-exclusive" sex. That doesn't mean the other person or OP is having sex with someone else simultaneously, or all the time. It does mean she is making it very obvious she will dump the guy as soon as a "better option" comes along.

Why should any guy agree to foreclose any of his other options just for OP's convenience? (Even if a guy seems to agree to this, he's probably just a liar, or has no other options.) [/quote]

There was never an asymmetry to this. OP said hey, this is what would work for me. How likely am I to find a guy for whom this would work, too? Nothing about tying him down. Nothing about him not being allowed to change his mind. Seriously, WTF?

Dude, we get that you are bitter. That's your problem to deal with. Hopefully we are allowed to walk away from your bizarre and icky rants.

[quote=Anonymous][quote] I say that I’m not interested in marriage, but am ideally looking for long term exclusive.[/quote]

I am curious both why you want it, and why you think a man should agree to it. If you don't want to live with him, commingle finances, or have him meet your kids, [b]why do you care who else he sleeps with? And how would you even know if he did?[/b] [/quote]

I'm not OP, but --

1) I like sex without condoms, a lot. Even with condoms, there's the risk of transmission of various infections. Extremely happy and intermittently enjoyed consistent exclusivity lets us get super freaky with no holds barred. If we screw other people, it's condoms all the way, and my mind is always at least partly going to be on infection risk, not how to get us both mind-blowing orgasms.

2) Trust. Conversations and trust. And making sure the 1/2 time we share is as amazing as possible.
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