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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is like this.  It's a lot to deal with.  I don't think he's a sociopath, but I DO think he legitimately has a difference in empathy and being able to "see" other people's distress and respond to it in a way that other people would do.  I mean, he loves our son intensely, but he's always been very un-attuned to his physical distress unless it was really obvious.  I think it's almost an autism-like feature of his neurology.

[b]If you have any sort of healthy relationship,[/b] what you ought to be able to do is expressly teach him how you want to be treated, and he should be able to do it.  But you have to be able to voice your needs and spell them out -- he's never going to figure it out on your own.

And if you approach it judgmentally ("you're completely unempathetic, what is wrong with you??") it's not going to work.  I mean, anyone who would actually drop off his wife and newborn on the front step and leave the house surely deserves judgment ... but IF you want an OK relationship, you have to just assume that he's acting that way because his brain works differently, not because he knows what the right thing to do is and is deliberatly not doing it.

[/quote]

Serious question, how do you have any sort of healthy relationship with someone who is like this?  [/quote]

well, FAR be it from me to claim that we have a healthy relationship.  frankly, we don't.  but there are some areas that I have managed to train my DH.  for example, I love getting presents for Christmas and my birthday and to celebrate holidays.  I literally instruct him about when it's time to get me gifts, plan a nice dinner, etc. Luckily this does not dampen my enthusiasm for the celebration at all!  I just love presents  :lol:

in other areas, I just take responsibility for my own  needs.  I don't wait for him to volunteer; I just tell him I'm going out and he needs to handle the house.

but yeah, it's wearing, I won't lie.  I wish I had framed it as his personality from the get-go -- maybe we would be in a better place if I had just realized earlier on "hey, you're missing the empathy chip, let's discuss exactly what I need you to do on a day-to-day basis."  [/quote]

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