Reply to "Drama" in lieu of common sense?

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Reply to ""Drama" in lieu of common sense?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP - I very rarely chime in here, but this situation is one that I know all too well.  Please hear me:

This is not sustainable.  Protect yourself and your kids (who undoubtedly feel the impact of the insanity -- notwithstanding your efforts to shield them -- more than you know).  No hot water?  Not acceptable.  The snow warrior car maneuver?  WTF - no!  Etc, etc, etc.

I get how worn down and defeated you feel.  I know everything feels too big and unfixable.  But this shit will kill you and seriously f*ck your children up.

A couple of vignettes from my 20 year marriage:

We moved after grad school to a city of his choice.  I had a job.  With his Yale degree in hand ... he simply didn't bother even looking for one.  I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer (at 25).  It was a living hell. I had to keep working part-time because, well, health insurance.  Our single income (from my nonprofit job) was reduced significantly.  Money was becoming a major issue.  I came home from the hospital after chemo one afternoon and was greeted with an entire house of new furniture.

We had kids. Twins.  He got a job.  I moved into BigLaw land.  He was fired basically for way overstepping his bounds in a way that any normal person would know was way over stepping one's bounds.

At some point, in an ill-advised effort to get him to adult up, I assigned him one bill that he was to be responsible for, the water bill.  I suggested he get a job at Starbucks, as a bus driver, whatever.  I got a call at work from the boys' nanny letting me know that the water had been cut off.  I made calls to pay/restore service.  I get another call from the boys' nanny.  "There are men here delivering a grand piano."  WTF.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg and just the financial abuse arena.  As you well know, the emotional abuse is real and entwined the financial BS.  And I really hope you're not dealing with any physical abuse.

I waited to pull the plug until I thought my kids were self-sufficient enough to be able to deal with being with him on their own.  They were 10 when I filed for divorce.  I stayed neck-deep in that insanity far, far, far too long.

I lost sight of "normal" in an effort to keep things semi-afloat.  I am also from a family where common sense is highly valued.  And in which no one ever gets divorced and doing so is considered a major moral failure.  I knew the shitshow I was living was completely untenable, but I couldn't see a way out.

Dont be me.

[/quote]

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