Reply to Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?

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Reply to "Do You Feel That Affairs Are the Ultimate Selfishness?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if it's just sex?  Who cares?  People get all worked up over cheating for nothing.[/quote]

The cheated-on spouse cares. Otherwise it would have been an open marriage.
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If the cheated-on spouse has been rejecting sex, clearly they do not care. 
I would say an affair is equally selfish as a sexless marriage. Neither is worse, they are exactly the same degree of selfishness.[/quote]

Why can’t the potential cheater say “hey I don’t want to live aa sexless marriage anymore. We need to get a divorce if we can’t have sex.”[/quote]

Why go through that hassle? Unilateral decisions have already been made about intimacy, no need for that to change or needless threats to be made.[/quote]

Unbelievable. A spouse might not have as much sex as before for whatever reason and he or she as tbe non-cheating spouse have tbe same blame as tbe cheating spouse.  My wife of over 18 years can just tell me - hey, I need more sex. If there is an issue, we can axdress it and not go get an AP.[/quote]
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Did you miss the opening sentence where “the cheated-on spouse has been rejecting sex”? That is your wife telling you she needs more sex, and you telling her “No”. [/b]
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Odd how people do not know this is abuse in every sense of the word. I have seen this and in each couple the denier thinks they still should be adored by the other. They are too selfish to say I dont want to have sex with you because they are scared to start over and most likely know they will not do any better in the dating market. [/quote]

You are manipulating the meaning or rather, interpreting "the cheated-on spouse has been rejecting sex ?"  The non-cheating spouse is not saying he/she does not want sex.  They are minimizing the times of sexual intercourse with their spouse.  The cheating spouse is interpreting it as "abuse."  How can you say the non-cheating spouse wants to still be adored by the other.  For myself, my DW wants to have sex a few times a month but I do not believe she is abusing me when I tell here I want her once a day and she denies it.  I married my DW for no matter what.  What does having her start over in the dating market have to do with the real issue of affairs  as selfish and specifically, on the non-cheating spouse.   [/quote]
The subject thread is about selfishness, specifically asking if affairs are the ultimate selfishness. The answer is No: rejecting sex (to an abnormal level) is equally selfish as having an affair. I would say that if your wife used to share your once per day interest, and daily sex was part of your dating and courtship and early marriage, then later on she dropped down to twice per month, yet she still expects you to be faithful to her alone.... this makes her very selfish.[/quote]

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