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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it: you have one kid who has a passion that you want to encourage.  I totally get that and think it's a good thing for a parent to do.  And you want this kid to develop a sense of responsibility, which will require him to have some skin in the game.

Here's the plan I would suggest for both kids:

1. Mom pays for equipment, entry fees, etc. for the important passions.  If one kid needs a $3000 cello and one needs a $300 pair of ice skates, fine.  That's an example of fair not always meaning equal.

2. Mom provides the necessities for both kids, e.g., the necessary amount of money on a metro card to get to and from school and activities (try signing up for auto-reload), food in the house for each kid to pack his own lunch (or not), reasonable clothing, etc.

3. Mom provides an allowance to each kid, either monthly or weekly, in an amount sufficient to cover a reasonable amount of extra activities.  This means eating out with friends, homecoming, social events, etc.  You give this to both kids, without being asked.  If kid #2 wants to bank his, fine.  If kid #1 spends all his, fine.  It's theirs to choose.  But make sure you give it to both kids, and have the same expectations for both of them with regard to its use.

4. Mom does not provide ad hoc funds (e.g., "Do you need money for that movie?").  The kids budget for themselves, though you can help guide them in decision-making.  If one runs out because he spent it all on pizza and can't go to the movie, fine.  That's the learning experience.

5. If kid loses any of the necessary items Mom has provided, kid pays for that out of his own money.  If he can't afford a movie because he had to buy a new metro card, again, fine.  That's the learning process.

6. In urgent cases (kid lost metro card, doesn't have any money to replace it), Mom advances the cost from the next month's allowance - with a meaningful amount of interest, like 10%. No working it off.  Mom also follows through by subtracting the correct amount next month.

This way, both kids have what they need, both kids have the opportunity to learn budgeting and responsibility, and both kids are treated fairly.

The kid may have to learn a painful lesson once or twice with this approach, and it will be your job not to bail him out, no matter how compelling the activities (e.g., if he spends all his money, he might not get to go to homecoming).  Better he have a little hurt now and learn responsibility, than have big hurts later because he hasn't.[/quote]

OP - just do this.  S/he nails it.  Good luck and the main thing is that you need to drop the guilt.  The vast, vast majority of families have to live on a budget.  You're not depriving your kids if you live within your means and you're really damaging them long term if they don't know how to manage money.[/quote]

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