Reply to GF and I started talking marriage and I was shocked she was dead against it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am glad I read these comments and realize I am out of touch.  I originally was a bit offended when she told me all this because a.) [b]I felt like it implied my own children wouldn't think of her or take care of her in old age when they have a good relationship and seem to genuinely like each other [/b]and b.) it felt like she was just picking a paycheck over marriage.  She is very interested in living together/buying a 2nd vacation home together in a place we both love.  I guess I just assumed we would get married.  She very frankly told me "my husband worked a job he hated for years to ensure I would be provided for in all circumstances of life."  which to me doesn't seem like "independent woman" it seems like picking the "richer" man.  I know I need to change my thinking on that. [/quote]

1) I would never count on my stepkids to take care of me after their father died.  I am not their mother.  They are not my kids.  It isn't the same relationship and I've seen too many kid/step-parent battles over money after one parent died.

2) I wouldn't marry you on a bet. You are screamingly insecure. You are competing with her dead husband. You are trying to win against a dead man.  You can't win that fight. No one can win that fight. You will continue to be insecure and make crazy demands trying to win a fight that is unwinnable.

She should DTMFA.[/quote]

Yup.  She would be an idiot to count on your kids taking care of her if you die.  Fights over money get UGLY, especially if the first wife is still living.

And I agree--you are competing with a dead man, and that's a bad look.  She's clearly willing to make a commitment to you (buying a house together) but she doesn't want marriage.  Her reasons are quite rational.  And frankly, if she wasn't sure before, your "gold digger" comments about her first husband and the father of her children will seal the deal.  I would NEVER marry someone who said that to me.  [/quote]

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