Reply to If your wife stopped having sex with you, what would you do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is a definite C. (Barring the fact that I'm not having sex because I have cancer or am recovering from serious surgery or something like that.) If we're just living life and everything is otherwise fine but I tell him sex is off the table or just refuse to have it, he'd be gone. I would give it maybe a year tops. [/quote]

"Can't" versus "won't" is a crucial part of my response. If my wife got sick or whatever and just couldn't have sex without being miserable despite her best efforts to find a solution, I'd masturbate more and keep loving her just as much. If it's just something where she loses interest and isn't concerned enough about my happiness and the health of my connection to her to make an effort to get interested again; then we look at C or D.  It depends on the age of the kids and how bad things are otherwise at home. If things are more or less friendly at home, then wait until the kids are gone. If the hostility at home outweighs any benefit from having two kids at home, then end it now. Cheating is simply lying and betrayal and shouldn't be considered. [b]However, I guess an open marriage with the consent of the low libido spouse might be an option.[/b] [/quote]

The problem that I notice with this sort of scenario is the spouse who unilaterally cuts of sex is selfish. They care only about their personal wants and wishes and not that of their spouse. (This goes both ways- men and women can put the other in sexless marriages.) This inherent selfishness makes them pretty much unlikely to be amenable to allowing their partner to at least get satisfaction outside the marriage. They want their spouse in the home, honoring them, valuing them, and only them, but refuse to do the same. Generally, "low libido" partners aren't willing to compromise a little to make their spouses happy by having sex, nor are they willing to compromise by allowing them to have extramarital purely-sex affairs either. So the sexless spouse has two choices most of the time: live with it, or leave. [/quote]

This right here, at least from my experience. DW had no interest in sex, and anything I did to help her out or make her feel good was just thrown back at me saying I only did it because I wanted sex, which was true but I would have continued to go above and beyond if it meant spending time with the woman I loved. She felt there was nothing wrong in our marriage and because we were done having children there was no need to have sex any longer. 
I started with A, without the porn, and when something came up one time about masturbation and I admitted I did that she said I was disgusting and perverted.
I planned on using A until D became an option, and I tied to talk about it but it always caused her blowing up into a argument.
Finally I said I wanted C, which caused another huge argument, but the next day she decided that having sex with her husband was better then getting a job.[/quote]

There are only 2 options: B and C. Open marriage or Divorce. If your wife stops having sex with you, that IS her consent for B. You do not need any further permission: just go enjoy your open marriage. Or, if you prefer, divorce. I don't understand how some people are the least bit confused about this simple/basic fact. Normal, healthy men do not just "stop" having sex. Options A and D do not exist.[/quote]

Ugh. Yoi again open marriage poster. I knew we'd see you soon. Like so many have told you before, so people believe their marriage vows mean no sleeping with other people while you're married - even if one partner unilaterally decides to stop having sex. [/quote]

Those same "marriage vows" are bilateral. The no sleeping with other people comes with a commitment to regularly sleep with each other. So the person who unilaterally decides to stop having sex has broken those vows, thereby opening the marriage.[/quote]

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