Reply to If you are a SAHM with significant extra help to make up for lack of DH involvement...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't get your post.  All the things you describe are typical of a SAHP (or a working parent for that matter).  You need to speak to your husband about scheduling time with your daughter and cleaning up after himself.  If you want to hire help, go ahead.  I care for my MIL.  I don't see what the big deal is. Its my choice.  I could say no, but I do it so my kids can see and do the same for us.[/quote]

What is different in my situation is the stuff I don't want to complain about. [/quote]

Its not all that different than other individuals.  I was a full-time caregiver to my MIL before we moved her to a nursing home.  That is something to complain about... not helping with some paperwork and visiting.[/quote]

There's a lot I haven't mentioned that I could complain about.  The biggest thing is DH isn't a partner to me in many respects and it creates an ugly and stressful dynamic not to mention a lot of added work.  When he is traveling for work and it is just me and DD, life is so much easier.  There's more, but I don't want to spend time ranting.
[/quote]

It sounds like you are focusing on a manageable, practical issue without much emotional baggage as a way to avoid the issue that is more central to your life, marriage, and happiness and that supportive strangers can't easily address for you.

I've always worked outside the home (although I consulted from home when kiddo was in K-2nd grade) and I firmly believe you get however much help you need and can afford without compromising savings. Some of the hardest working people I know are SAH parents who don't outsource enough and are very needlessly worn out. So get an au pair or cleaners or a personal helper or whatever. You know what you need.

AND you've signalled clearly that you have marital issues. You need to take these on. And if you find, with counseling (for yourself too), that these problems are deep, you will have to take a good long look at long-term plans that include paid work.  This isn't about the relative merits of WOH vs. SAH. It's about the fact that if you find your marriage can't last, it'll be much harder to make a transition every year you've been out of the work force.

So:
1) hire a vunch of help; and 
2) get counseling. [/quote]

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