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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don't actually know this person you claim to be "the love of your life". She's a fantasy you've constructed that your wife can never live up to because she's a real, flawed person, not someone you've built up in your head.

People change a lot between school and adulthood, and a sexy encounter and some texts don't make this woman your soulmate. If you leave your wife for her, I'm betting after a decade, a kid or two, and a life of everyday drudgery, you'll be thinking you made a terrible mistake and escaping into yet another fantasy.   [/quote]

This. You are in love with an ideal. You don’t actually know who she is, like you would know her in a relationship or by dating. [/quote]

Unfortunately this is true, but also unfortunately you will not believe anyone who tells you this. You've built her up in your head as this fantasy person, and reality (living together in a stable committed relationship, dealing with life's crap and responsibilities, year in and year out) would be disappointing. But you can't see that now, because the imagination is powerful. You're stuck in that unhealthy obsessive thriving-on-the-drama-of-heartache phase, and it doesn't seem like you're strong enough to let logic pull you out of it.

Honestly OP you have three choices: 
1) you divorce your wife and ask 2nd grade girl to go for it with you. You see what happens (see above)
2) you stay with your wife, and cut off contact with dreamgirl. It sucks for a long time, and you constantly feel pulled back to her but hopefully with time it gets easier. Hopefully in time you come to the realization that you owe it to yourself and your wife to invest all that energy into your marriage; hopefully it's not too late
3) you keep doing what you're doing - you refuse to man up and make the hard decision. You just slink around being the sneaky dishonorable guy....and making yourself more and more and more miserable in the meantime. Seriously if you think this feels hard and crappy and tempting now...how is it not going to be even worse 5 years deeper?

Your call - none of them are easy. Think about where you want to be in 10 years, and act accordingly. [/quote]

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