Reply to MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you & DH have your own family unit now. How you choose to celebrate holidays as a family unit is up to you. If you want to host a holiday event, host it. You need to change your thinking from "DH's family" and "your parents/family" to "OUR FAMILY." "Our Family" = You, DH + 2 kids. What does "OUR Family" want to do for the holiday season? How will WE celebrate? How will WE build memories and traditions for OUR kids? Start with that line of thinking and go from there.

Now, when you do this, you must also recognize that, at some point, your kids will have their own families, too. You organize the holiday celebrations today, but at some point it is their turn to build traditions with their own nuclear families. Be prepared to accept this with grace, just as you would like your ILs to do today.

Regarding your ILs, I can appreciate why they would not want to leave their close friends on a holiday like Thanksgiving, when those friends count on your ILs like family. So your ILs  need to choose. They may choose to travel to you, or they may choose to celebrate at home with their friends. It's completely their choice and they should not lay guilt at your door. They should recognize that your time to organize your own family celebrations is long past due. In that same vein, you should not lay a guilt trip on them. After all, they have their own family unit (FIL & MIL), and they need to do what works best for them.
 
 It took me years to put my foot down to establish our own holiday meals and traditions. It is still never easy, year-to-year. I just pray that I will remember all the hassle and hard feelings when my own kids are grown and want to do holidays their way. I pray I will have the grace to accept their decisions, because it is their time at that point.

Stand your ground. Plan a lovely celebration. Maybe involve your kids in cooking, baking, setting the table with your China. This time is fleeting and no one should begrudge you the opportunity to celebrate as you wish. [/quote]

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