Reply to Ever lie to your spouse/family re business trips?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- seems like a nearly uniform response. For those that are saying -- just tell DH, he'll understand. I don't think so.

Before we got married, we talked a LOT about how we expected married/family life to look. He (and my family; my inlaws - not that their opinions matter) was of the view -- of course a woman should work but AFTER she takes 10 years off to be with the kids. He and our families have countless examples of friends/cousins/whoever who are doing SO great bc they can balance family and still work. Reality is it's women who went to med school but are happy being weekend radiologists or picking up 1 shift at a pediatrics office or women with MBAs who left big jobs to open their own "consulting" practice which (by their admission) results in 1 gig per year netting them 20k.

I was VERY clear that that wasn't me. I intended to work and travel as I always had and had no interest in being home for any length of time besides maternity leave. I didn't deceive him about this -- we clearly talked about how if this wasn't what he wanted, we could walk away. He decided he was ok with it.

Now that we're knee deep in the little kid years, I think he does look at friends' wives etc. and thinks it'd be so great if I worked 1 day/week like them. Yet I don't feel bad that he feels put out bc let's be honest, those women aren't bringing home more than half the HHI and those families don't have the financial freedom that we have because of my job.

So no I don't think he'd say -- oh you need time away, great, no problem if you want to go away 4 times a year. I think he'd think he was being sooo generous if he said -- oh you need time away, please go take a girls weekend with your sister or bff or you have a high school reunion soon, go and stay the night in a hotel instead of taking Amtrak back that night. For me that isn't enough -- I really feel like I need 12-16 days a year in different places, not simply visiting family and bc I don't think he'll understand, I feel like I have to lie . . . . [/quote]

I have no idea what being a SAHM has to do with lying to your husband about your vacations. It is a huge stretch to go from “I don’t want to quit work” to “I want vacations away from my family several times a year”.

Guess what- we all have wants that conflict with being a good spouse and parent. My husband would love to spend the weekends golfing. I’d love to spend the money we put in our kid’s 529 on things for myself. But we don’t do that, because we know our wants out temporarily on hold. That’s part of having a family. Your husband probably also has certain wants that he can’t indulge in, like, say, sleeping with other women. But he doesn’t, because that conflicts with having a healthy marriage.

[b]Your husband offering you a girls weekend away is VERY generous. Most couples can’t do that, either logistically or financially.[/b]

You sound like you have a serious case of Peter Pan syndrome. It’s time to grow up. [/quote]
Not OP, I strongly disagree that that is VERY generous, it seems pretty normal to me barring financial difficulties.[/quote]

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